The Backseat of My Car: Liberal Breeding Grounds

I am beginning to pride myself on my magical ability to create dirty-sounding titles and phrases that really aren't, all as part of a shameless, marketing-savvy scheme to draw in the best kinds of people to "peruse my blog." See? There's another one.

Anyway, disillusioned reader, this essay isn't what it reads like. No, it's not erotica (read "The thinking person's porn"). It's more a tale of my successful liberal-breeding project, which I casually and affectionately refer to as "motherhood."

A few weeks ago, my nine-year-old nephew was visiting, and he, Spawnasaurus, and I were on our way back to my house. As usual, I was listening to the publicly-funded version of the elite media and, as usual, they were talking about the war in Iraq. My nephew tuned into the story, and said something along the lines of, 'America is the greatest country because we have the biggest military.'

For all of you liberals out there who bemoan the fact that more and more people are shifting to the right or, as I call it, "The New Middle," there IS a solution! Become an Organic Liberal Breeder. Or, at least, "redirect" any young children that you have access to, such as relatives, babysittees, or even those that you mentor through programs like Big Brothers/Big Sisters. (Apt title, in this context. But it's all for good, so it's ok.)

Anyhoo, I proceeded to inform him, correctly, that a big military didn't make us more badass than other countries, and while it might help, it didn't guarantee our "safety." The conversation proceeded from there, and his responses and questions were remarkably thoughtful. Spawnasaurus was there, too, in his booster seat, apparently absorbed in his "Pixter" electronic device and oblivious to the elevated level of discourse that was taking place between my nephew and me.

So you can imagine my surprise when, out of the blue, Spawnasaurus declares with a great deal of volume, breathless enthusiam, and the youthful exuberance that comes from really figuring something out...

"If we had a big porcupine, we wouldn't need a big miwitary!"

I can already hear the sarcastic snorts of you conservatives out there. No doubt you'll use Spawnasaurus's peaceful, innocent solution to our military-crazed culture as a "good" example of liberal "pragmatism," but, then, you don't really like children, do you?