Inspiration!
Disturbingly, it's true. Burb's blow-by-blow account of his super-normal, suburban-lifestyle evening has inspired me to write my own blow-by-blow account of the disintegration of my own homelife.
Let's see . . . I left the office around 4:30, surprisingly reluctantly. I drove a few miles down the road, picked up Stevie at his secured day care, and drove to the bank to cash one of my own checks so I could buy things with paper money as opposed to smaller and smaller coins. Then we bopped to McDonald's (right next to the bank--which is very close to the day care--such a thoughtful and convenient suburban service road!) and got two ice cream cones. Then we started the long commute home.
On the way, I alternated listening to NPR and answering Stevie's lingering questions about a book we had read two nights before. The book was about the Nashua River in Massachusetts and briefly rehashed the white settler takeover of Native American lands, thus resulting in the Indians "losing" that "battle". Stevie asked, "Why did the Indians lose?" I attempted to explain the two main reasons--guns and disease--which meant trying to explain the basics of bacteria and their transmittal from one human group to another and, after another question ("Why couldn't the Indians' bodies handle the settlers' bugs?"), trying to explain the dynamics of the spread of airborne pathogens among groups of isolated people and the devastating effects those pathogens have on people who haven't built up immunity. This is tougher than it sounds.
Once home, Stevie and I dodged the chicken poop and made it safely into the house only to find two sweaty shirtless guys rifling through our extensive CD collection. OK, it was Kevin and Anthony. One of the guys (Kevin) was visibly miffed. Uh oh. It seems as if, sometime in the near past, Anthony had randomly unloaded many CDs from their cases and placed them in "his"--read "our"--portable CD carrier. When told by me a few days ago to put the CDs back in their cases, he apparently made an attempt but, after not being able to find the corresponding cases for a large handful of CDs, decided the best course of action was to throw the (large handful of) caseless CDs under the rec room sofa. When Kevin, a few empty CD cases in hand, later asked as to the whereabouts of the CDs, Anthony went downstairs to procure them. Kevin, spying, uncovered the grisly truth when he crept downstairs and found Anthony on all fours, digging under the couch, and emerging with a large handful of caseless CDs.
At this point, I should pause to explain something about Kevin. Kevin can't stand when people leave CDs out of their cases or records out of their protective sleeves. I mean, he HATES it.
Back to the fun story! I sat on the steps, watching Kevin glare as Anthony tried to place the correct CD into the correct case. After he was done, Anthony and Stevie ran outside (good plan) so Anthony could show me the butterfly he caught for me (URGH! Has this kid heard NOTHING I've said about capturing bugs!?) and I asked Kevin how he was. I'll summarize his answer in the next paragraph.
Not good.
I, however, was feeling remarkably ready to deal with Anthony and was pleased to be able to give Kevin a break from said child. Kevin retreated to his workshop, eventually taking the recycling all the way to My Hometown, thus lengthening his time alone in his truck.
It's now about 6 o'clock. While Stevie played swords and god-knows-what-else in the back yard, I sat Anthony down at the kitchen table and attempted to teach him some geography. What this kid doesn't know about basic geography would fill a thousand geography texts. I started by having him draw a "concept map" of the U.S., which involves drawing the outline of the U.S. and trying to draw in as many states as you can remember in roughly the correct area, all without looking at a map. It's fun! Try it! How'd you do? I would bet a billion dollars (even if I had it) that you did better than Anthony.
Anthony's mental map of the U.S. was shockingly square, with a few lumps and bumps, and a total of 7 misplaced states . . . out of 7. He decided that square versions of NC and SC resided in the Southwest, and that GA was FL and FL was ND. CA was not too far off--it looked a lot like OR (perhaps a reference to the large amount of human migration from CA to OR?). OH was roughly where VA should be--I never knew we had an Atlantic coast! Finally, MA was much larger than the colonists had planned and had moved much further west, comprising the Northwest corner of the United States. This kid grew up looking at Kentucky across the river and forgot Kentucky!
OK! Discouraging! We plugged on. I had him look at a large, clear map of the states and locate the actual location and shape of the seven states he had remembered. Then I had him draw an outline of the U.S. with the map as a guide and draw in those same 7 states in their correct location and more-or-less correct configuration. God, I'm a good teacher. Of course, the reason for this entire exercise had to be explained no less than FOUR times, and was accompanied by a great deal of whining and high-pitched wails.
It was now about 6:30, and I made the mistake of telling him that we had another hour of this--which included dinner!--then he was off to shower, then to bed. Tears. Shouts of "It's not fair!" while pointing to Stevie cavorting outside. We moved on to continents. Anthony had no idea what a continent was, and seemingly had never even heard the NAMES of the continents, let alone their locations. I wrote the names of the scant 7 continents on scraps of paper and had him place them on the simple and clear continent map until, finally, all seven were correct, which only took 5-6 reconfigurations.
Globey to the rescue. "Globey" is our electronic globe. It's totally cool. There's a timed game wherein Globey yells out the name of a location and you locate it with one of those weird pens. You can start with basics like "Continents and Oceans" and move up to "Country Capitals for Globe Trotters" which is even too hard for me, and I'm some sort of freaky geography wizard. (Think you're tough? Can YOU find Bangui? Under pressure??) Anthony loved Globey, and improved over the course of two games of "Continents and Oceans". Still, it became apparent that our mini-goal of learning the 7 continents and 4 oceans is not-so-mini. (Quick update! This morning I asked him to locate North America. Unless we're now part of the Asian landmass, he was wrong. He reverted to guessing, and I went to work.)
While working with continents, I heated some pre-cooked pasta and fresh-from-the-jar sauce and slightly burned the garlic bread (one of life's seeming inevitabilities). Kevin returned from recycling respite. We ate. Anthony showered, flooding the bathroom floor at the same time. Trying to clear the tub of soap bubbles after his shower, I loudly complained about the achingly slow drainage time. Kevin quietly cleaned a large wad of dark brown hair out of the drain. Implicated! Damn raven-haired beauty! He then filled the tub for Stevie's bubble bath.
With both boys cleaned up and dressed for bed, I arranged some pillows on their bedroom floor for storytime to avoid the complaints that we always laid on Stevie's bunk because, as adults, it's no fun to crawl up to top bunks. I read them a book about Ms. Frizzle's Adventures in Ancient Egypt and endured the near-constant fidgeting of Anthony as he tried to cuddle himself into my torso.
Blissfully, the early bedtime worked. Both boys crawled into bed and looked at books and listened to music until they finally drifted off to sleep. Kevin went in to say goodnight and I could feel the dischord coming and so I yelled from the living room "Get out of there before something bad happens!" meaning arguing and whining and so forth. Kevin heeded my word.
As I flipped through the latest issue of my favorite quilting magazine (thankful for small favors), Kevin finished canoodling with the bathroom vanity. We moved it in from the workshop, and I only scraped my leg twice! Then we brought in the granite countertop. It looks gorgeous. My husband is so manly.
I went to bed with my quilting magazine, Stevie came in and "relaxed for awhile" until I turned off the light (and he padded back to his room), and Kevin continued to hook up the plumbing for the bathroom sink. I fell asleep before he was done, thus missing out on my luck once again.
Jealous?
Let's see . . . I left the office around 4:30, surprisingly reluctantly. I drove a few miles down the road, picked up Stevie at his secured day care, and drove to the bank to cash one of my own checks so I could buy things with paper money as opposed to smaller and smaller coins. Then we bopped to McDonald's (right next to the bank--which is very close to the day care--such a thoughtful and convenient suburban service road!) and got two ice cream cones. Then we started the long commute home.
On the way, I alternated listening to NPR and answering Stevie's lingering questions about a book we had read two nights before. The book was about the Nashua River in Massachusetts and briefly rehashed the white settler takeover of Native American lands, thus resulting in the Indians "losing" that "battle". Stevie asked, "Why did the Indians lose?" I attempted to explain the two main reasons--guns and disease--which meant trying to explain the basics of bacteria and their transmittal from one human group to another and, after another question ("Why couldn't the Indians' bodies handle the settlers' bugs?"), trying to explain the dynamics of the spread of airborne pathogens among groups of isolated people and the devastating effects those pathogens have on people who haven't built up immunity. This is tougher than it sounds.
Once home, Stevie and I dodged the chicken poop and made it safely into the house only to find two sweaty shirtless guys rifling through our extensive CD collection. OK, it was Kevin and Anthony. One of the guys (Kevin) was visibly miffed. Uh oh. It seems as if, sometime in the near past, Anthony had randomly unloaded many CDs from their cases and placed them in "his"--read "our"--portable CD carrier. When told by me a few days ago to put the CDs back in their cases, he apparently made an attempt but, after not being able to find the corresponding cases for a large handful of CDs, decided the best course of action was to throw the (large handful of) caseless CDs under the rec room sofa. When Kevin, a few empty CD cases in hand, later asked as to the whereabouts of the CDs, Anthony went downstairs to procure them. Kevin, spying, uncovered the grisly truth when he crept downstairs and found Anthony on all fours, digging under the couch, and emerging with a large handful of caseless CDs.
At this point, I should pause to explain something about Kevin. Kevin can't stand when people leave CDs out of their cases or records out of their protective sleeves. I mean, he HATES it.
Back to the fun story! I sat on the steps, watching Kevin glare as Anthony tried to place the correct CD into the correct case. After he was done, Anthony and Stevie ran outside (good plan) so Anthony could show me the butterfly he caught for me (URGH! Has this kid heard NOTHING I've said about capturing bugs!?) and I asked Kevin how he was. I'll summarize his answer in the next paragraph.
Not good.
I, however, was feeling remarkably ready to deal with Anthony and was pleased to be able to give Kevin a break from said child. Kevin retreated to his workshop, eventually taking the recycling all the way to My Hometown, thus lengthening his time alone in his truck.
It's now about 6 o'clock. While Stevie played swords and god-knows-what-else in the back yard, I sat Anthony down at the kitchen table and attempted to teach him some geography. What this kid doesn't know about basic geography would fill a thousand geography texts. I started by having him draw a "concept map" of the U.S., which involves drawing the outline of the U.S. and trying to draw in as many states as you can remember in roughly the correct area, all without looking at a map. It's fun! Try it! How'd you do? I would bet a billion dollars (even if I had it) that you did better than Anthony.
Anthony's mental map of the U.S. was shockingly square, with a few lumps and bumps, and a total of 7 misplaced states . . . out of 7. He decided that square versions of NC and SC resided in the Southwest, and that GA was FL and FL was ND. CA was not too far off--it looked a lot like OR (perhaps a reference to the large amount of human migration from CA to OR?). OH was roughly where VA should be--I never knew we had an Atlantic coast! Finally, MA was much larger than the colonists had planned and had moved much further west, comprising the Northwest corner of the United States. This kid grew up looking at Kentucky across the river and forgot Kentucky!
OK! Discouraging! We plugged on. I had him look at a large, clear map of the states and locate the actual location and shape of the seven states he had remembered. Then I had him draw an outline of the U.S. with the map as a guide and draw in those same 7 states in their correct location and more-or-less correct configuration. God, I'm a good teacher. Of course, the reason for this entire exercise had to be explained no less than FOUR times, and was accompanied by a great deal of whining and high-pitched wails.
It was now about 6:30, and I made the mistake of telling him that we had another hour of this--which included dinner!--then he was off to shower, then to bed. Tears. Shouts of "It's not fair!" while pointing to Stevie cavorting outside. We moved on to continents. Anthony had no idea what a continent was, and seemingly had never even heard the NAMES of the continents, let alone their locations. I wrote the names of the scant 7 continents on scraps of paper and had him place them on the simple and clear continent map until, finally, all seven were correct, which only took 5-6 reconfigurations.
Globey to the rescue. "Globey" is our electronic globe. It's totally cool. There's a timed game wherein Globey yells out the name of a location and you locate it with one of those weird pens. You can start with basics like "Continents and Oceans" and move up to "Country Capitals for Globe Trotters" which is even too hard for me, and I'm some sort of freaky geography wizard. (Think you're tough? Can YOU find Bangui? Under pressure??) Anthony loved Globey, and improved over the course of two games of "Continents and Oceans". Still, it became apparent that our mini-goal of learning the 7 continents and 4 oceans is not-so-mini. (Quick update! This morning I asked him to locate North America. Unless we're now part of the Asian landmass, he was wrong. He reverted to guessing, and I went to work.)
While working with continents, I heated some pre-cooked pasta and fresh-from-the-jar sauce and slightly burned the garlic bread (one of life's seeming inevitabilities). Kevin returned from recycling respite. We ate. Anthony showered, flooding the bathroom floor at the same time. Trying to clear the tub of soap bubbles after his shower, I loudly complained about the achingly slow drainage time. Kevin quietly cleaned a large wad of dark brown hair out of the drain. Implicated! Damn raven-haired beauty! He then filled the tub for Stevie's bubble bath.
With both boys cleaned up and dressed for bed, I arranged some pillows on their bedroom floor for storytime to avoid the complaints that we always laid on Stevie's bunk because, as adults, it's no fun to crawl up to top bunks. I read them a book about Ms. Frizzle's Adventures in Ancient Egypt and endured the near-constant fidgeting of Anthony as he tried to cuddle himself into my torso.
Blissfully, the early bedtime worked. Both boys crawled into bed and looked at books and listened to music until they finally drifted off to sleep. Kevin went in to say goodnight and I could feel the dischord coming and so I yelled from the living room "Get out of there before something bad happens!" meaning arguing and whining and so forth. Kevin heeded my word.
As I flipped through the latest issue of my favorite quilting magazine (thankful for small favors), Kevin finished canoodling with the bathroom vanity. We moved it in from the workshop, and I only scraped my leg twice! Then we brought in the granite countertop. It looks gorgeous. My husband is so manly.
I went to bed with my quilting magazine, Stevie came in and "relaxed for awhile" until I turned off the light (and he padded back to his room), and Kevin continued to hook up the plumbing for the bathroom sink. I fell asleep before he was done, thus missing out on my luck once again.
Jealous?
posted by lulu | 5:59 AM
1 Comments:
Well, all I can say is that while it is a trying time for you, Anthony never had it so good.
Always know that I admire you hugely for what you do and who you are and if you ever need help of any sort, just let me know.
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