Broke.
How is it that I bring home 33% more than I did before The Promotion, Kevin is nearly matching what he made at his "real" job, and yet we're broke all the time?
We spent about $600 on a bunkbed and bedding for Stevie and Anthony. That was a big chunk, but a rare chunk. I spend $3-4 on lunch per day, but it's my biggest meal of the day and we don't go to the store very often. Kevin, who used to spend $25-30 a week on lunch, now hardly ever eats lunch on the road. We spent about $100 on aquariums for the boys (birthday and welcome gifts), but otherwise have spent virtually nothing on big ticket items. We have no furniture except for what we've received from others (besides the bunkbeds), and no flat-screen TVs. Even our lawnmower is a hand-me-down. Hell, my car is a hand-me-down.
What gives?!
Our credit cards are right back up there because we've had to use them for basic items. I need to go to the store tonight and find that I have about $62.00 in my bank account.
Of course, a 2-minute reality check (s'funny how things run out of your mind. Important things.) just turned up this total: $2,523.00. That's just five bills--mortgage, day care, land payment, truck payment, and student loan payment, in declining order. That does NOT include electricity, phone, garbage, GAS, food, laundry detergent, clothing, library fees, flytraps, film developing (rare), and freaking credit card payments. That brings the total to roughly
$6,783.27 per month, which is why I'm paying for lunch with the contents of Stevie's penny bank. Seriously. I'll pay him back. Don't worry.
But still I don't get it. Are we in the depression that comes after buying a house but before the wealth (inevitable wealth, right?) begins to acquire? Before we get the tax benefits? Before the ol' 401K starts crankin' (inevitable wealth, right?!)? Before I get my, hopefully, huge bonus? How long does said depression last?
Or is this what it means to be middle class in America today? Do people actually do this forever? That is, living paycheck-to-paycheck to have a nice house, drive a nice car, pay for these omnipresent bills, and maintain health insurance, all the while feeling a might bit trapped and a big bit nervous about losing, in our case, The Job that allows for all of this?
It was a beautiful weekend. Kev, Stevie and I hung around the house, working and playing. We never left, and only received 2 phone calls (bliss!). Our house is very pretty, and our yard is wonderful. But when I look at it, I am conflicted. At one moment, I see a REALLY nice home that, with some shuffling here and a push there, will meet our needs for a long time. I see a place perfectly capable of handling a large party of BBQers. I see a front porch with flowers spilling out of big barrels, beckoning you to come and swing awhile, dryly take in a summer storm, or watch the neighbors across the field shoot off fireworks (no less than 5 displays this year!). I feel the breeze through open windows and hear it carry the babylike cries of Fency the Peacock.
At other times, I see a $1000+ a month albatross, and feel the load of five years of doing a job I don't love--not even close--to, hopefully, acquire the funds needed to live in a way that requires only a couple of earths as opposed to seven (yes, seven. More, even, than Burb.). A way that means no commuting, no leaving the house, and no regrets about how I spent my day.
We spent about $600 on a bunkbed and bedding for Stevie and Anthony. That was a big chunk, but a rare chunk. I spend $3-4 on lunch per day, but it's my biggest meal of the day and we don't go to the store very often. Kevin, who used to spend $25-30 a week on lunch, now hardly ever eats lunch on the road. We spent about $100 on aquariums for the boys (birthday and welcome gifts), but otherwise have spent virtually nothing on big ticket items. We have no furniture except for what we've received from others (besides the bunkbeds), and no flat-screen TVs. Even our lawnmower is a hand-me-down. Hell, my car is a hand-me-down.
What gives?!
Our credit cards are right back up there because we've had to use them for basic items. I need to go to the store tonight and find that I have about $62.00 in my bank account.
Of course, a 2-minute reality check (s'funny how things run out of your mind. Important things.) just turned up this total: $2,523.00. That's just five bills--mortgage, day care, land payment, truck payment, and student loan payment, in declining order. That does NOT include electricity, phone, garbage, GAS, food, laundry detergent, clothing, library fees, flytraps, film developing (rare), and freaking credit card payments. That brings the total to roughly
$6,783.27 per month, which is why I'm paying for lunch with the contents of Stevie's penny bank. Seriously. I'll pay him back. Don't worry.
But still I don't get it. Are we in the depression that comes after buying a house but before the wealth (inevitable wealth, right?) begins to acquire? Before we get the tax benefits? Before the ol' 401K starts crankin' (inevitable wealth, right?!)? Before I get my, hopefully, huge bonus? How long does said depression last?
Or is this what it means to be middle class in America today? Do people actually do this forever? That is, living paycheck-to-paycheck to have a nice house, drive a nice car, pay for these omnipresent bills, and maintain health insurance, all the while feeling a might bit trapped and a big bit nervous about losing, in our case, The Job that allows for all of this?
It was a beautiful weekend. Kev, Stevie and I hung around the house, working and playing. We never left, and only received 2 phone calls (bliss!). Our house is very pretty, and our yard is wonderful. But when I look at it, I am conflicted. At one moment, I see a REALLY nice home that, with some shuffling here and a push there, will meet our needs for a long time. I see a place perfectly capable of handling a large party of BBQers. I see a front porch with flowers spilling out of big barrels, beckoning you to come and swing awhile, dryly take in a summer storm, or watch the neighbors across the field shoot off fireworks (no less than 5 displays this year!). I feel the breeze through open windows and hear it carry the babylike cries of Fency the Peacock.
At other times, I see a $1000+ a month albatross, and feel the load of five years of doing a job I don't love--not even close--to, hopefully, acquire the funds needed to live in a way that requires only a couple of earths as opposed to seven (yes, seven. More, even, than Burb.). A way that means no commuting, no leaving the house, and no regrets about how I spent my day.
posted by lulu | 6:42 AM
2 Comments:
Man, what a whiner. What a middle-class, at-least-she-owns-shit, has a great job, a wonderful husband and family, and enough money to pay for all those bills whiner.
I'm probably going to keep airing my inner angst, but at least I'm going to feel sorry about it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm always broke, too. This despite having no kids, a lower mortgage payment, and two full-time incomes in our household. I too have a monster student loan outstanding, as well as credit card balances still left over from grad school (6 years ago!!). Right now I have about $180 in my checking account, but that's only because I put off my student loan payment of $200 until next paycheck (which also must be used to pay the mortgage and bills).
Of course, I would probably be in much better shape if I didn't spend about $300 a month on booze, ciggs, and online poker . . . but how much fun would that be? :)
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