I Am the Slime.
Today I feel like bashing TV. I didn't wake up feeling this way, but listening to Frank Zappa has put a little bee in my bonnet, and that bee really hates cable.
But first . . . I love Frank Zappa. If I wasn't married and he wasn't dead, I'd totally go for Frank. Hands down, he is my favorite person to listen to at work. I find it very amusing that I type up stupid blurbs about educational products while Frank sings about how "po-jama people are boring me to pieces" and then goes on some super wigged-out guitar trip. Or, funnier, demands "give me your dirty love, like you might surrender to some dragon in your dreams . . . I don’t need your sweet devotion, I don’t want your cheap emotion, Just whip me up some dragon lotion, For your dirty love". I just love that.
I pretty much hate TV. Sure, there ARE some good shows out there, but if you think about it, you have to wade through so much shit just to get at a few tiny, tiny islands of fresh green grass. And, even on those islands, you still have to watch out for the increasingly large leavings of some damn dog. (Commercials, of course.) In other words, if I was never allowed to watch TV again for the rest of my life, I wouldn't be real upset.
While in Missouri, Kevin and I watched some cable television. We watched more in 4 days than we usually watch in months. Hey--it was REALLY hot outside! Most of the viewing time was spent surfing. I watched a few home decorating shows, but they are so fucking inane! I mean, I like seeing people's houses, but watching a bunch of talentless "personalities" ham it up for the oh-so-present camera for AN HOUR just to see, in the last 3 minutes, what they did with the place . . . it's unbearable.
It tickles me in that annoying tickly way when people say "but I love the History Channel and the Discovery Channel!" as if these channels were somehow above the fray. Please. How many WWII documentaries can you watch, and don't you get enough of them on PBS in between episodes of Antiques Roadshow and The One-Hit Baby Boomers on Their Way to Branson Spectacular? And the programmers at the Discovery Channel are nothing more than shark demonizers and ridiculous motorcycle modifiers. And is it so fucking hard to just set up a camera and leave it there? MUST every show employ incredibly annoying Blair Witchy camera shots, constant zooms, and other such tripe? I wasn't annoyed when I started writing this, but now I'm incensed.
Not really. But I have cemented my view that money spent on cable might as well be used to line diapers, and that I just can't stand to watch on any kind of a regular basis. I've also always been averse to unthinking habits, and TV is right up front here. There are waaaaay too many people who come home, sit in a room, and turn on the TV. It's just on! For no reason! Just on, on, on, all the friggin time.
Still, I'm not going to kill it. I'll catch an occasional Simpsons and a few football games (hopefully in the company of other people). It's not evil. But it is The Slime:
I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you
I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I'm the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set
You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold
That's right, folks . . .
Don't touch that dial
Well, I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go
I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go
--Frank Zappa
(To get the full effect of these lyrics, it really should be listened to. I have the CD.)
But first . . . I love Frank Zappa. If I wasn't married and he wasn't dead, I'd totally go for Frank. Hands down, he is my favorite person to listen to at work. I find it very amusing that I type up stupid blurbs about educational products while Frank sings about how "po-jama people are boring me to pieces" and then goes on some super wigged-out guitar trip. Or, funnier, demands "give me your dirty love, like you might surrender to some dragon in your dreams . . . I don’t need your sweet devotion, I don’t want your cheap emotion, Just whip me up some dragon lotion, For your dirty love". I just love that.
I pretty much hate TV. Sure, there ARE some good shows out there, but if you think about it, you have to wade through so much shit just to get at a few tiny, tiny islands of fresh green grass. And, even on those islands, you still have to watch out for the increasingly large leavings of some damn dog. (Commercials, of course.) In other words, if I was never allowed to watch TV again for the rest of my life, I wouldn't be real upset.
While in Missouri, Kevin and I watched some cable television. We watched more in 4 days than we usually watch in months. Hey--it was REALLY hot outside! Most of the viewing time was spent surfing. I watched a few home decorating shows, but they are so fucking inane! I mean, I like seeing people's houses, but watching a bunch of talentless "personalities" ham it up for the oh-so-present camera for AN HOUR just to see, in the last 3 minutes, what they did with the place . . . it's unbearable.
It tickles me in that annoying tickly way when people say "but I love the History Channel and the Discovery Channel!" as if these channels were somehow above the fray. Please. How many WWII documentaries can you watch, and don't you get enough of them on PBS in between episodes of Antiques Roadshow and The One-Hit Baby Boomers on Their Way to Branson Spectacular? And the programmers at the Discovery Channel are nothing more than shark demonizers and ridiculous motorcycle modifiers. And is it so fucking hard to just set up a camera and leave it there? MUST every show employ incredibly annoying Blair Witchy camera shots, constant zooms, and other such tripe? I wasn't annoyed when I started writing this, but now I'm incensed.
Not really. But I have cemented my view that money spent on cable might as well be used to line diapers, and that I just can't stand to watch on any kind of a regular basis. I've also always been averse to unthinking habits, and TV is right up front here. There are waaaaay too many people who come home, sit in a room, and turn on the TV. It's just on! For no reason! Just on, on, on, all the friggin time.
Still, I'm not going to kill it. I'll catch an occasional Simpsons and a few football games (hopefully in the company of other people). It's not evil. But it is The Slime:
I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you
I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I'm the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set
You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold
That's right, folks . . .
Don't touch that dial
Well, I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go
I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go
--Frank Zappa
(To get the full effect of these lyrics, it really should be listened to. I have the CD.)
posted by lulu | 7:19 AM
2 Comments:
I couldn't agree more, Sweethaht! And my intolerance only increases with the years. What's really horrifying (or whorifying?) is that many people get most of their information about the world from the medium that's designed to make you as stupid as possible - and then buy more stuff. I'm opting OUT (mostly).
And another thing: Frank seriously rocks. (Note to self: Chicks dig Zappa and Zappa-like entities who are not married and not dead. Oh well.)
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