Farewell, "Spec"tacle!
Today we lose a good friend and riotous lunch companion to the shiny trappings of New York City. Although I will miss him, I can't be sad--it's not like he's moving to Omaha or Fresno. I mean, I would be pissed to lose him to Omaha or Fresno. NYC I can understand.
On that happy day when Spec finally realized that he was sitting at the Wrong social studies table and began eating with us, I realized that I had made a very special new friend. You see, Spec was born with a "bypass valve" that allowed crude, inappropriate-in-mixed-company thoughts to go straight from the id-portion of his brain to his mouth, thus "bypassing" the usual (for most of us) route of Thought to Social Considerations/Self-Censorship Brain Center to Mouth.
Those with bypass valves are among my favorite kinds of people. Although I'm sure that some of the tight-lipped ladies who lunch at neighboring tables will be as happy as they can be to see him go--as happy as they are when yelling at neighborhood kids to stay the hell off their grass--I will miss the hilarious and, at times, outrageous things that loudly came out of Spec's mouth. Of course, I can't remember any of them, which makes for a terrifically lame post. J-Dog thought of one today--the most hilarious one--but now it's HER memory and Ms. Bitch Goddess said I can't use it! Can you believe her?! She's not even a law student yet, and she's just sooooooo much better than me.
Sorry.
So even though I can't recall more than a couple of things he ever said, they were funny, and liberal, and mostly intelligent, and you missed out if you weren't there.
Farewell, lovely friend! Live your life bravely! And don't ever believe the nasty things that are said about you, you piece of crap.
On that happy day when Spec finally realized that he was sitting at the Wrong social studies table and began eating with us, I realized that I had made a very special new friend. You see, Spec was born with a "bypass valve" that allowed crude, inappropriate-in-mixed-company thoughts to go straight from the id-portion of his brain to his mouth, thus "bypassing" the usual (for most of us) route of Thought to Social Considerations/Self-Censorship Brain Center to Mouth.
Those with bypass valves are among my favorite kinds of people. Although I'm sure that some of the tight-lipped ladies who lunch at neighboring tables will be as happy as they can be to see him go--as happy as they are when yelling at neighborhood kids to stay the hell off their grass--I will miss the hilarious and, at times, outrageous things that loudly came out of Spec's mouth. Of course, I can't remember any of them, which makes for a terrifically lame post. J-Dog thought of one today--the most hilarious one--but now it's HER memory and Ms. Bitch Goddess said I can't use it! Can you believe her?! She's not even a law student yet, and she's just sooooooo much better than me.
Sorry.
So even though I can't recall more than a couple of things he ever said, they were funny, and liberal, and mostly intelligent, and you missed out if you weren't there.
Farewell, lovely friend! Live your life bravely! And don't ever believe the nasty things that are said about you, you piece of crap.
posted by lulu | 12:46 PM
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