In the Highways, In the Hedges . . .
. . . I'll be somewhere, a workin' for my Lord.
I saw a Ford Excursion last night on my way home from work. It was black and clean. The back window, as large and sweeping as a Montana plain, was tinted black. The license plate said:
SUPRSZE
I must give the owner props. He or she has managed to symbolize just about everything repugnant about the American lifestyle with just seven little letters and one $40,000 rolling monster of death.
The Ford Excursion boasts a V10 with "sequential multi-port electronic fuel injection" and a whole bunch of other mysterious stuff that you can read about on Ford's web site. However, you can sift and sift through all of this highly-detailed information and still not find the stats on "Exhaust" and "Fuel Economy*". Those numbers are "N/A". To further tantalate, the Fuel Economy is followed by an *, but there is no other * on the page to guide the dear reader.
Intrigued, I Googled "Fuel Economy Excursion" and didn't find much at all. Car dealers would list a lot of information about them but then there'd be this: "mph city/NA; mph highway/NA". I could find it for other cars, but not for the King of the SUVs.
The personal virtue environmentalists had something--they said that a guy from Harper's drove around a city in the Excursion and was getting a whopping 3.7 mph. By his reckoning, over its bloated lifetime the Excursion will spew 134 tons of carbon dioxide into our atmosphere, which is nearly 3X as much as a car that gets about 27 mph. All for a base price of $38,350! Wow!
Some car magazine's web site had comments about the Excursion from Excursion owners (read: toady climbers at Ford) that raved about the Excursion's average of 15.5 mph, or 17.2 mph, or 16 mph. One commenter boasted, "The Excursion is the biggest SUV you can buy without a trucker's license, and while some compact car drivers may give you a nasty stare, it still fits the American highway lifestyle perfectly."
That's right, buddy, way to stick it to those tweedy little sniveling compact car drivers! Fuck them! REAL Americans have a highway lifestyle to enjoy! Actual soldiers--I knew one!--fought and DIED to give us the right to plug up the roads and our arteries--to SUPRSZE!!!
(Must go to happy place now. Soft path. Gentle wind through leaves. Sun shining on blue, blue water. . . . Ahhhhhhh.)
I saw a Ford Excursion last night on my way home from work. It was black and clean. The back window, as large and sweeping as a Montana plain, was tinted black. The license plate said:
SUPRSZE
I must give the owner props. He or she has managed to symbolize just about everything repugnant about the American lifestyle with just seven little letters and one $40,000 rolling monster of death.
The Ford Excursion boasts a V10 with "sequential multi-port electronic fuel injection" and a whole bunch of other mysterious stuff that you can read about on Ford's web site. However, you can sift and sift through all of this highly-detailed information and still not find the stats on "Exhaust" and "Fuel Economy*". Those numbers are "N/A". To further tantalate, the Fuel Economy is followed by an *, but there is no other * on the page to guide the dear reader.
Intrigued, I Googled "Fuel Economy Excursion" and didn't find much at all. Car dealers would list a lot of information about them but then there'd be this: "mph city/NA; mph highway/NA". I could find it for other cars, but not for the King of the SUVs.
The personal virtue environmentalists had something--they said that a guy from Harper's drove around a city in the Excursion and was getting a whopping 3.7 mph. By his reckoning, over its bloated lifetime the Excursion will spew 134 tons of carbon dioxide into our atmosphere, which is nearly 3X as much as a car that gets about 27 mph. All for a base price of $38,350! Wow!
Some car magazine's web site had comments about the Excursion from Excursion owners (read: toady climbers at Ford) that raved about the Excursion's average of 15.5 mph, or 17.2 mph, or 16 mph. One commenter boasted, "The Excursion is the biggest SUV you can buy without a trucker's license, and while some compact car drivers may give you a nasty stare, it still fits the American highway lifestyle perfectly."
That's right, buddy, way to stick it to those tweedy little sniveling compact car drivers! Fuck them! REAL Americans have a highway lifestyle to enjoy! Actual soldiers--I knew one!--fought and DIED to give us the right to plug up the roads and our arteries--to SUPRSZE!!!
(Must go to happy place now. Soft path. Gentle wind through leaves. Sun shining on blue, blue water. . . . Ahhhhhhh.)
posted by lulu | 7:51 AM
1 Comments:
That's perfect: "the American highway lifestyle"
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