Oh my god. Am I strong, yet vulnerable?
Dear Reader,
Wow! It's really busy here in Hometown! I have two demanding jobs, a business, 20 animals to care for, blah blah blah. The fridge is bare, I don't see my kids until evening, and my husband is my partner in zoning out at the end of the day and not much else.
I'm really sorry about not taking the time to blog. One day, this will get settled down and I'll be able to work it out. But, let me tell ya, fame isn't easy. I've been in the paper and on the radio about 1/2 dozen times in the last week, and I don't like it. At all. People are all up in arms about the possibility of combining my two jobs and I'm forced to deal with these baselessly irrational people. I don't like that, either.
So I wonder--What the hell did I do this for? I don't need any of it. I'm feeling straitjacketed, too. I can't piss this person off by telling them the truth because it will negatively impact one of my other jobs. I've already pissed off the incredibly touchy reporters at the laughable Hometown News. They totally deserve it, and if I was just a business owner I'd tell them to shove it way up there, but I can't have a bad relationship with the paper when I'm the Chamber director. Nope--can't do it, and even if I didn't mind the trouble it would cause during my reign, I can't do that to my successors.
Bottom line? I'm feeling very overwhelmed!
Solution? Baby steps. Really. Take little baby steps. The last time I felt this way was my master's year of college. I was teaching school "part-time" (with 3-4 different preps, or classes) and working on my master's part-time. Ha! It was insane, and I talked with a counselor. As I've written before, he told me I was a perfectionist and felt overwhelmed because I had the crazy notion (Dr. Weiner--that was his name--did not say 'crazy') that I could actually do all of it. He had me make a to-do list and place each item (include "eat" "sleep" "get ready" "commute") on a grid of the week. See? Not enough time in the day to do it. So give. it. up.
I'm better at doing this. I really am. But the anxiety lingers. I like a full day, most days. But come on, now! And it's the whole dealing-with-other-people thing that's tripping me out a little. I just want to do my job in peace.
Although I must admit that there is a positive side. This is hard to explain. I'm kinda proud of myself. Just like a rat in a maze, I'm able to decide things on the fly, learn from my mistakes, learn how to deal with it. And I'm finding that I'm a pretty decent leader. (How's that for mushy, anti-leader speak? "Pretty decent'--pathetic!) I am making people feel enthused again. I get a lot of comments about my 'energy' and 'enthusiasm'. What they might not realize is that both of those things waver whenever I have to deal with someone's stupid issues. I'll elaborate some other time, but it all stems with people--grown people--not taking responsibility for themselves. Ugh! It's the root of all evil!
This was all spontaneous and I have to get back to work. I hope it makes some sort of sense.
Sincerely,
Lulu
Strong...yet surprisingly absorbent!
Wow! It's really busy here in Hometown! I have two demanding jobs, a business, 20 animals to care for, blah blah blah. The fridge is bare, I don't see my kids until evening, and my husband is my partner in zoning out at the end of the day and not much else.
I'm really sorry about not taking the time to blog. One day, this will get settled down and I'll be able to work it out. But, let me tell ya, fame isn't easy. I've been in the paper and on the radio about 1/2 dozen times in the last week, and I don't like it. At all. People are all up in arms about the possibility of combining my two jobs and I'm forced to deal with these baselessly irrational people. I don't like that, either.
So I wonder--What the hell did I do this for? I don't need any of it. I'm feeling straitjacketed, too. I can't piss this person off by telling them the truth because it will negatively impact one of my other jobs. I've already pissed off the incredibly touchy reporters at the laughable Hometown News. They totally deserve it, and if I was just a business owner I'd tell them to shove it way up there, but I can't have a bad relationship with the paper when I'm the Chamber director. Nope--can't do it, and even if I didn't mind the trouble it would cause during my reign, I can't do that to my successors.
Bottom line? I'm feeling very overwhelmed!
Solution? Baby steps. Really. Take little baby steps. The last time I felt this way was my master's year of college. I was teaching school "part-time" (with 3-4 different preps, or classes) and working on my master's part-time. Ha! It was insane, and I talked with a counselor. As I've written before, he told me I was a perfectionist and felt overwhelmed because I had the crazy notion (Dr. Weiner--that was his name--did not say 'crazy') that I could actually do all of it. He had me make a to-do list and place each item (include "eat" "sleep" "get ready" "commute") on a grid of the week. See? Not enough time in the day to do it. So give. it. up.
I'm better at doing this. I really am. But the anxiety lingers. I like a full day, most days. But come on, now! And it's the whole dealing-with-other-people thing that's tripping me out a little. I just want to do my job in peace.
Although I must admit that there is a positive side. This is hard to explain. I'm kinda proud of myself. Just like a rat in a maze, I'm able to decide things on the fly, learn from my mistakes, learn how to deal with it. And I'm finding that I'm a pretty decent leader. (How's that for mushy, anti-leader speak? "Pretty decent'--pathetic!) I am making people feel enthused again. I get a lot of comments about my 'energy' and 'enthusiasm'. What they might not realize is that both of those things waver whenever I have to deal with someone's stupid issues. I'll elaborate some other time, but it all stems with people--grown people--not taking responsibility for themselves. Ugh! It's the root of all evil!
This was all spontaneous and I have to get back to work. I hope it makes some sort of sense.
Sincerely,
Lulu
Strong...yet surprisingly absorbent!
posted by lulu | 1:13 PM
2 Comments:
So Gven says to Sven, hey they're playing out song:
Rain coming down and the roof won't hold her
Well I lost my job and I feel a little older
Car won't run and our love's grown colder
Maybe things will get a little better in the morning
Maybe things will get a little better
The clothes need washing and the fire won't start
Kids all crying and you're breaking my heart
Whole damned place is falling apart but
Maybe things will get a little better in the morning
Maybe things will get a little better
Work your fingers to the bone and what do you get?
Bony fingers, bony fingers
I've been broke just as long as I remember
Well I get a little money; I gotta run and spend her
When I try to save it pretty woman come and take it
Maybe things will get a little better in the morning
Maybe things will get a little better
Work your fingers to the bone and what do you get?
Bony fingers, bony fingers
Grass won't grow and the sun's too hot
The whole darned world is going to pot
You might as well like it cause I'm all that you've got
Maybe things will get a little better in the morning
Maybe things will get a little better
Work your fingers to the bone and what do you get?
Bony fingers, bony fingers
I've been trying since last night to post a snarky (yet supportive) comment. And it wouldn't work.
Well, it's immaterial to try again. But you should keep trying. The good/benighted people of smalltown Mizzou are lucky to have someone with as much energy/vision as you! Keep shoving them into the future!
Post a Comment
<< Home