If I Was the Queen of the World I'd Flood It and Send Sharks with Frickin Laser Beams on Their Heads Swimming into the Nation's Post Offices
For many of you, that's all the title you need. You've been there, so you know.
For the rest of you, allow me to explain.
Every year at this time, Stevie's school holds a big fundraiser for the Make A Wish Foundation. Part of the funds come from a silent auction, and the big prizes are the class baskets. Each class is given a theme and the parents contribute items that go with the theme, which are all put into a decorative basket and auctioned away.
Stevie's class theme is the elusive "holiday". Being a Christmas card sender, I bought several packs of kid-friendly cards and planned on rounding out my donation with holiday stamps. I went to usps.com and saw that there are really cute "holiday cookie" stamps this year that would be just frickin perfect with the cards! I tore out of here a few minutes before 4 yesterday, hoping to pick up the kid and make it to the Hometown post office in time to buy the stamps and drop them off before today's big basket-stuffer deadline.
Figuring the post office closed at 4:30, I was happy and full of holiday and charitable cheer when I pulled up at a trim 4:17. I unbuckled and unswathed the boy, marched him inside . . .
. . . and was faced with the decidedly unhappy and uncheerful site of freshly closed metal curtains. The post office in Hometown closes . . . at 4:15.
What the hell kind of closing time is that?
Sure, they sell stamps in vending machines, but they're usually just boring old flags, and this machine wouldn't take credit cards! Just my precious cash. To be fair, they did have one little book of holiday stamps, but they were "holiday ornaments"--they looked liked those old, German-looking Santa Clauses, packed in tissue paper, and they might actually scare some children. I bought some anyway (look for them on YOUR holiday card!), but the package is too small to be seen in a big basket, and I really think that the stamps are going to be a big draw at the auction, so size really does matter. (Not that I ever said anything different.) After all, the price is right on the stamp, so people can bid at least the price of the stamps and know that they're getting their money's worth. If, that is, they don't mind sending letters with creepy Mr. Roger's Neighborhood puppets in the Land of Makebelieve-looking Santas on them.
Noticing the "8" (and no other numbers) in the opening time, I decided I would swing by there on my way to work today. So I kind of killed time this morning, getting donuts for the boy, dropping off some stuff at my mom's figuring that, since the closing time is 4:15, surely they must open at 8:00 to give working people a little bit of time to get there in the morning since they sure as hell don't give them time in the afternoon and, after all, these are well-paid federal employees who are here to serve my every postal need.
I pulled up at a little after 8, unbuckle, unswath (just like pirates!). They open at 8:30.
Fuck!
One more shot. There's a post office in Big Suburb just beyond the road my Big Office is on. I'll drive to B.S. (10 minutes), drop off the kid (10 minutes), get gas (5 minutes) and be at THAT post office when it opens at 8:30! Brilliant plan! This gets me to work later than I wanted to be, but I'm wasting all of this precious work time now so it's obviously not that big of a deal.
I pulled up at 8:31 and was encouraged by the sight of two other folks going into the building. I will get those stamps! I will drop them off in time! Because I'm just that sort of person! I am the mom who listens to what her kid wants to be for Halloween, conceptualizes a common sense way of making the costume, buys the necessary components (from two stores!) and creates the costume! I am the mom who fills the house with the smell of freshly baked apple pie, or chocolate cake, or beef stew, and makes her own icing for the store-bought cookies. I am the mom who thinks of clever, cheap (but not TOO cheap), and useful ideas for overly-broad fundraiser basket themes and executes them, IN TIME, to the delight of all! This task has been appointed to me (who else is going to do it? Kevin? HA!) and if I don't find a way to do it . . . .
It opens at 9:00.
Fuck, fuck, FUCK!
For the rest of you, allow me to explain.
Every year at this time, Stevie's school holds a big fundraiser for the Make A Wish Foundation. Part of the funds come from a silent auction, and the big prizes are the class baskets. Each class is given a theme and the parents contribute items that go with the theme, which are all put into a decorative basket and auctioned away.
Stevie's class theme is the elusive "holiday". Being a Christmas card sender, I bought several packs of kid-friendly cards and planned on rounding out my donation with holiday stamps. I went to usps.com and saw that there are really cute "holiday cookie" stamps this year that would be just frickin perfect with the cards! I tore out of here a few minutes before 4 yesterday, hoping to pick up the kid and make it to the Hometown post office in time to buy the stamps and drop them off before today's big basket-stuffer deadline.
Figuring the post office closed at 4:30, I was happy and full of holiday and charitable cheer when I pulled up at a trim 4:17. I unbuckled and unswathed the boy, marched him inside . . .
. . . and was faced with the decidedly unhappy and uncheerful site of freshly closed metal curtains. The post office in Hometown closes . . . at 4:15.
What the hell kind of closing time is that?
Sure, they sell stamps in vending machines, but they're usually just boring old flags, and this machine wouldn't take credit cards! Just my precious cash. To be fair, they did have one little book of holiday stamps, but they were "holiday ornaments"--they looked liked those old, German-looking Santa Clauses, packed in tissue paper, and they might actually scare some children. I bought some anyway (look for them on YOUR holiday card!), but the package is too small to be seen in a big basket, and I really think that the stamps are going to be a big draw at the auction, so size really does matter. (Not that I ever said anything different.) After all, the price is right on the stamp, so people can bid at least the price of the stamps and know that they're getting their money's worth. If, that is, they don't mind sending letters with creepy Mr. Roger's Neighborhood puppets in the Land of Makebelieve-looking Santas on them.
Noticing the "8" (and no other numbers) in the opening time, I decided I would swing by there on my way to work today. So I kind of killed time this morning, getting donuts for the boy, dropping off some stuff at my mom's figuring that, since the closing time is 4:15, surely they must open at 8:00 to give working people a little bit of time to get there in the morning since they sure as hell don't give them time in the afternoon and, after all, these are well-paid federal employees who are here to serve my every postal need.
I pulled up at a little after 8, unbuckle, unswath (just like pirates!). They open at 8:30.
Fuck!
One more shot. There's a post office in Big Suburb just beyond the road my Big Office is on. I'll drive to B.S. (10 minutes), drop off the kid (10 minutes), get gas (5 minutes) and be at THAT post office when it opens at 8:30! Brilliant plan! This gets me to work later than I wanted to be, but I'm wasting all of this precious work time now so it's obviously not that big of a deal.
I pulled up at 8:31 and was encouraged by the sight of two other folks going into the building. I will get those stamps! I will drop them off in time! Because I'm just that sort of person! I am the mom who listens to what her kid wants to be for Halloween, conceptualizes a common sense way of making the costume, buys the necessary components (from two stores!) and creates the costume! I am the mom who fills the house with the smell of freshly baked apple pie, or chocolate cake, or beef stew, and makes her own icing for the store-bought cookies. I am the mom who thinks of clever, cheap (but not TOO cheap), and useful ideas for overly-broad fundraiser basket themes and executes them, IN TIME, to the delight of all! This task has been appointed to me (who else is going to do it? Kevin? HA!) and if I don't find a way to do it . . . .
It opens at 9:00.
Fuck, fuck, FUCK!
posted by lulu | 6:19 AM
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