On Thanksgiving
I woke up at 4:15 this morning and noticed that my husband wasn't in bed with me and that there was a light coming from the living room. Lately, Kevin and I have been going to bed at sometimes vastly different times. Last night he was staring at the bowls he had made (and the new one he had just finished) while I was on my way to dreamland. I asked him to shut the bedroom door if he was going to drift off on the couch with the TV on, because if I wake up during the night and see a light on I can't get back to sleep. I like it dark, with the exception of the light of the moon. And even that is too much at times.
He did drift off in front of the TV, and he did shut the door, but I had to potty so I got up anyway. There he was, conked out on the sofa, covered by one of my not-quite-done rag quilts. And who's on the TV? None other than Sam, the world's ugliest dog. They were doing a news story on this newly deceased little lap dog, whom I just found out about yesterday. His title rings true because if he wasn't the ugliest dog in the world then there is a hound of hell living amongst us, somewhere. Really--if you haven't seen him, google him. Don't be scared. He's dead now.
I turned off the TV and returned to bed, wondering how long it would be before Kevin and I had separate bedrooms. It seems like I've been a little loud lately, what with my pregnancy induced stuffy nose (even more than usual!) and Stevie's occasional, disruptive trips to our bed early in the morning. If we go to bed at the same time and I read a bit to get to sleep, Kevin mildly complains, but is always snoring 3 minutes later! Then, when I shut off the light, I have to nudge his snoring self and tell him "turn on your side, please", which he does just long enough for me to drift off and tune him out before he starts snoring again. We have a king-size bed because neither of us likes sleeping too close to another person--it just gets too hot! So, as I returned to my big, empty, comfy, quiet bed, I pondered if having separate bedrooms would be a bad thing. There are pros: no disruptions, being able to decorate as you please, only being responsible for your own mess. And there are cons: Would the marriage somehow suffer if there was a physical distance between us when we slept? Would our kids think it was weird? What about the extra square footage and bedding materials required? Pretty neutral, but I'm thinking that we won't go there for now. Notice that I didn't mention the sex thang. That's because there are other places and times to have sex, so it's not really an issue. Wanting to have sex at the end of a long day when you went to bed to sleep? I can think of more seductive scenarios.
And then I thought "Hey! Our 6-year anniversary is this weekend!" Six years. While I don't feel like writing a real lovey-dovey post like last year's, (check out the November 2004 archives--"Shelter from the Storm") I did want to mention it. Big doin's this year, with the baby and all. More pressure than last year. But just as much love and gratitude.
I still think that I'm damn lucky to have married him, and my confidence in the strength of our marriage and commitment to each other is as high as ever. We don't have a lot of time to "grow as individuals" these days, though we've both developed strong creative hobbies--he woodworking, me quilting. It's funny that those hobbies are so similar in so many ways. Both involve cutting up perfectly good objects, rearranging them in patterns, and putting them back together with a combination of hands and just a few simple tools. Both take a shitload of time! And they are so sex-segregated! He goes to the Man Zone workshop, I sit in the house and sew. Pretty funny for such a "liberated" couple!
This past year has really been about us as parents. First with the whole adoption thing, which did not turn out like either of us wanted but, luckily, we wanted the same things and trusted each other enough to follow through with what was right for us--no matter how excruciating. And we continue to relish our role as Mommy and Daddy to Stevie, the world's most perfect child (to us!) and soon to Mark, the world's other most perfect child. I know that we both feel extremely fortunate to have pretty much identical parental philosophies and style. We just don't have the friction and dischord that too many parents have. Again, trust. And, in the midst of some pretty bad parenting situations--in two cases, nightmarish situations--that we see around us, it is a huge relief to have had children with a man who is such a wonderful, loving, funny, affectionate father. Can you ask for much more for your children than that?
Once again, I find myself most thankful for my husband and children on this most thankful of holidays (and I don't have to cook this year! Hooray!). They have made my life better than I ever imagined.
He did drift off in front of the TV, and he did shut the door, but I had to potty so I got up anyway. There he was, conked out on the sofa, covered by one of my not-quite-done rag quilts. And who's on the TV? None other than Sam, the world's ugliest dog. They were doing a news story on this newly deceased little lap dog, whom I just found out about yesterday. His title rings true because if he wasn't the ugliest dog in the world then there is a hound of hell living amongst us, somewhere. Really--if you haven't seen him, google him. Don't be scared. He's dead now.
I turned off the TV and returned to bed, wondering how long it would be before Kevin and I had separate bedrooms. It seems like I've been a little loud lately, what with my pregnancy induced stuffy nose (even more than usual!) and Stevie's occasional, disruptive trips to our bed early in the morning. If we go to bed at the same time and I read a bit to get to sleep, Kevin mildly complains, but is always snoring 3 minutes later! Then, when I shut off the light, I have to nudge his snoring self and tell him "turn on your side, please", which he does just long enough for me to drift off and tune him out before he starts snoring again. We have a king-size bed because neither of us likes sleeping too close to another person--it just gets too hot! So, as I returned to my big, empty, comfy, quiet bed, I pondered if having separate bedrooms would be a bad thing. There are pros: no disruptions, being able to decorate as you please, only being responsible for your own mess. And there are cons: Would the marriage somehow suffer if there was a physical distance between us when we slept? Would our kids think it was weird? What about the extra square footage and bedding materials required? Pretty neutral, but I'm thinking that we won't go there for now. Notice that I didn't mention the sex thang. That's because there are other places and times to have sex, so it's not really an issue. Wanting to have sex at the end of a long day when you went to bed to sleep? I can think of more seductive scenarios.
And then I thought "Hey! Our 6-year anniversary is this weekend!" Six years. While I don't feel like writing a real lovey-dovey post like last year's, (check out the November 2004 archives--"Shelter from the Storm") I did want to mention it. Big doin's this year, with the baby and all. More pressure than last year. But just as much love and gratitude.
I still think that I'm damn lucky to have married him, and my confidence in the strength of our marriage and commitment to each other is as high as ever. We don't have a lot of time to "grow as individuals" these days, though we've both developed strong creative hobbies--he woodworking, me quilting. It's funny that those hobbies are so similar in so many ways. Both involve cutting up perfectly good objects, rearranging them in patterns, and putting them back together with a combination of hands and just a few simple tools. Both take a shitload of time! And they are so sex-segregated! He goes to the Man Zone workshop, I sit in the house and sew. Pretty funny for such a "liberated" couple!
This past year has really been about us as parents. First with the whole adoption thing, which did not turn out like either of us wanted but, luckily, we wanted the same things and trusted each other enough to follow through with what was right for us--no matter how excruciating. And we continue to relish our role as Mommy and Daddy to Stevie, the world's most perfect child (to us!) and soon to Mark, the world's other most perfect child. I know that we both feel extremely fortunate to have pretty much identical parental philosophies and style. We just don't have the friction and dischord that too many parents have. Again, trust. And, in the midst of some pretty bad parenting situations--in two cases, nightmarish situations--that we see around us, it is a huge relief to have had children with a man who is such a wonderful, loving, funny, affectionate father. Can you ask for much more for your children than that?
Once again, I find myself most thankful for my husband and children on this most thankful of holidays (and I don't have to cook this year! Hooray!). They have made my life better than I ever imagined.
posted by lulu | 7:05 AM
4 Comments:
Yes,
what?
That's cryptic, Lulu, like hanging a sign on the shop window, "gone fishin'." Have a good one.
I accidentally pressed "enter" after typing in the title, which publishes the post. Of course, two people immediately go to my blog! I was writing the post when they commented. Sorry for not being all cool and cryptic.
my owners mr.ray and ms. nancy have been together for 40 years and sleep in seperate bedrooms, you two are one of the only couples i know that would make me consider getting into a relationship, you are both adorable,smart,caring, and hot!
hey my new owner dates mark farmelo,he says hello! love ya
mr.jon
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