Letting the Days Go By
I am listening to this awesome song right now and it is inspiring a blog. (Yeah, I know it's called "Once in a Lifetime" fascist. You don't have to tell ME that--I'm a rock snob.)
Last night I cleaned off my desk, went through my wallet and tote bag--you know, organized. Long after I was done, I found myself still sitting there, like some sort of freaky chess genius, assessing every possible near-future move. There are several players--Mark's arrival sometime within the next 5 weeks (but who knows when? 'tis a mystery), Stevie's move from private K to public K (and the extra $162 a week that will create), Christmas present plans--both buying and asking, the limited fundage/many bills to pay conundrum, Kevin's job schedule after my leave is over, packing for the hospital, my bonus-of-unknown-amount that will come in April, the exciting new health plans at work, my cavity-filling appointment--you know, vital, crucial things. WHEN will I do THIS? WHEN will I pay THAT? If THIS happens, what THEN?
I don't know how those fancy Buddhists do it. Live in the moment, that is. Every once in a while I can catch a glimpse of that world. Last night it did cross my mind that my bank account is pretty much empty until I get paid early next week, so planning what gets paid (land? or credit card?) before it fills is just silly. SILLY! And for one fleeting second I was calm. And then I wasn't. Because, let's face it, most of us need to think ahead a little bit! The thing about having a party is this: It's not like you do much more to prepare for a party than you usually do in a typical week--you clean, you cook, you gussy up a bit. It's just that when you have a party, everything has to come together at exactly the same time. That's where we are right now. Everything hinges around this kid. I have to be at a logical stopping point at work (where and when will I blog?!), which involves a good amount of preparation. I have to be "pre-ready" for the holidays and the inevitable visitors and surprises (oh shit! did we get beer for the garbage guys?). I have to pre-pay my benefits and cell phone at work. (Now I'm listening to "Life During Wartime" and the lines "This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no fooling arouuuuund." No kidding, Jack.)
This is nutty. All of this stuff will work itself out and none of it is important enough to fret about. I know this. And I'm not adversely impacted, outside of a little PMS-ish crankiness at times. It's just kinda funny. And I never tire of this Talking Heads record.
And thank you, Burb, for throwing in your two cents on the seminal song list. Those were good and thoughtful choices.
Last night I cleaned off my desk, went through my wallet and tote bag--you know, organized. Long after I was done, I found myself still sitting there, like some sort of freaky chess genius, assessing every possible near-future move. There are several players--Mark's arrival sometime within the next 5 weeks (but who knows when? 'tis a mystery), Stevie's move from private K to public K (and the extra $162 a week that will create), Christmas present plans--both buying and asking, the limited fundage/many bills to pay conundrum, Kevin's job schedule after my leave is over, packing for the hospital, my bonus-of-unknown-amount that will come in April, the exciting new health plans at work, my cavity-filling appointment--you know, vital, crucial things. WHEN will I do THIS? WHEN will I pay THAT? If THIS happens, what THEN?
I don't know how those fancy Buddhists do it. Live in the moment, that is. Every once in a while I can catch a glimpse of that world. Last night it did cross my mind that my bank account is pretty much empty until I get paid early next week, so planning what gets paid (land? or credit card?) before it fills is just silly. SILLY! And for one fleeting second I was calm. And then I wasn't. Because, let's face it, most of us need to think ahead a little bit! The thing about having a party is this: It's not like you do much more to prepare for a party than you usually do in a typical week--you clean, you cook, you gussy up a bit. It's just that when you have a party, everything has to come together at exactly the same time. That's where we are right now. Everything hinges around this kid. I have to be at a logical stopping point at work (where and when will I blog?!), which involves a good amount of preparation. I have to be "pre-ready" for the holidays and the inevitable visitors and surprises (oh shit! did we get beer for the garbage guys?). I have to pre-pay my benefits and cell phone at work. (Now I'm listening to "Life During Wartime" and the lines "This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no fooling arouuuuund." No kidding, Jack.)
This is nutty. All of this stuff will work itself out and none of it is important enough to fret about. I know this. And I'm not adversely impacted, outside of a little PMS-ish crankiness at times. It's just kinda funny. And I never tire of this Talking Heads record.
And thank you, Burb, for throwing in your two cents on the seminal song list. Those were good and thoughtful choices.
posted by lulu | 6:15 AM
3 Comments:
Excellent scream-of-consciousness narrative in the vein of a day in the life. It doesn't have to make sense, but every once in a while something coheres, like "the exciting new health plans," yup, that's what I live for. Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head...
At the risk of angering (?) Kevin . . . whom I like such a great deal . . . it seems like you do a great deal of these household, planning, financial things.
Can he help with some of this? Dividing the work often makes everyone more sane.
NOTE: I say this because there are times when Tegan is super busy and more stuff than usual is dumped on me. It stresses me out too.
Thanks for your concern (and bravery) Burb! I do the bills, he mows. That's pretty much how we like it. Two people would just muddy the waters. Also, I can check our bank account daily thanks to the wonders of the Internet. And I let him in on everything that goes on, just as he lets me in on really dull things like mower belts breaking. The system works remarkably well and we never squabble about money and such. It's nice, but I do bear the brunt of the stress when money is tight, but only because I think about it more. It's my dumb choice. And he has to mix mower belts, which I would NEVER do.
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