Life Lesson #1,245
When you have children, and you ask a non-paid family member (such as your parents) to look after those children so that you can go out and do whatever, don't diss those family members (esp. if they are your parents) for not looking after those children in the exact same way that you do. Unless there are egregrious fouls posing imminent danger to your children, when you pick up the children say "THANK YOU!!!" 57 times and head out the door smiling and feeling lucky that you have a place to leave your children when you want to have some mommy-daddy time, and be EXTRA thankful that that place is a place your children actually want to go.
Too much sugar? Who gives a shit! Your children are not going to develop Type II diabetes from 4 Dove bars and hot-dogs-on-a-stick. Are they wearing snowpants and a sequined tube top outside in late fall? Get over it! They have. They are probably thrilled to have this shake-up in their normal routine of spit-shined shoes and hospital corners.
Everyone knows that grandparents get a very healthy pass. Don't have children until you really understand this. Or, at least, don't ask anyone else to watch them.
Too much sugar? Who gives a shit! Your children are not going to develop Type II diabetes from 4 Dove bars and hot-dogs-on-a-stick. Are they wearing snowpants and a sequined tube top outside in late fall? Get over it! They have. They are probably thrilled to have this shake-up in their normal routine of spit-shined shoes and hospital corners.
Everyone knows that grandparents get a very healthy pass. Don't have children until you really understand this. Or, at least, don't ask anyone else to watch them.
posted by lulu | 7:44 AM
1 Comments:
Being Lulu's brother and the subject of this blog, I felt compelled to respond. I haven't shared my side of this story to anyone except the grandparents mentioned above. I prefer to deal directly with those I have issues with and not share them with others who aren't involved as it only creates bad feelings and misunderstandings and it puts those others that hear it in a position to judge without knowing all that's occurred. Apparently, my parents have shared their disappointment in me with many other family members and friends as my wife and myself have heard about this issue from several people other than Lulu. That's their perogative to do though, and if that's what they feel they need to do to deal with their disappointment, I won't condemn it.
First and foremost, this was not just some mommy-daddy time. This was MY WEDDING night and weekend and I guess I felt entitled for a change to ask for some free help. I can't remember the last time I asked anyone to help me with something that I knew would inconvenience them in any way. Sure Lulu, a couple of years ago you let me crash at your house with my dog while I was in a transistional period and I was extremely grateful for that. I did not realize that it was an inconvenience and stressful to your family life though. When you told me that it was, I immediately moved out and felt bad for causing any inconvenience in the first place.
In the same way, I asked my parents if they would stay at our house and watch the children overnight so my wife and I could enjoy our wedding night together. We knew that my parents wanted to leave early the next morning so they could get home and we hired a babysitter to be at the house between 8-9 am to take over watching the kids. Everyone was fine with this plan. The problem occurred when the babysitter's grandmother DIED unexpectedly that night causing her to have to leave town early the next morning and we did not have a backup or contingency plan for this. After scrambling for options and our parents getting very stressed out because they HAD to get home early, we finally decided to ask them to just take all four of the boys back home with them and we would make the four hour round trip later that afternoon to pick up the two that needed to come back to our house with us. When we picked them up later that day, we did thank them profusely and repeatedly. I'm not sure what is expected, but we thought that 14 to 15 thank you's and sorry's that this caused them inconvenience would be sufficient. Apparently not though, because as we were told in a later conversation, and I quote, "You two should be falling on your knees and kissing our feet for what we did for you." If a family member is expecting that, what kind of family member is that truly? One would think family (such as parents) would enjoy the company and pleasure of being with their grandchildren and be willing to make some sacrifices when unexpected situations arise. Grandparents like anyone need to build relationships with their grandchildren to make their home a place where kids actually want to come back too. Maybe a different perception on what that means would be interesting to explore. Sugar and junk food all day may be only an easy route for one to take, allowing children to 'do whatever' they want as long as they are not in imminent danger is not always the way to develop a successful relationship and does not always make children 'acutally want to go back'. Actually applying some rules and helping children make responsible decisions is sometimes a better way to build a healthy relationship. Free for alls were actually part of life lesson #987 and that lesson is one no parent should forget. Also, the main issue I had is that one of the children was outside in temperatures in the mid-40's wearing SHORTS and the other one had NO COAT. They were at a soccer game that lasted an hour dressed like this with no way to get out of the wind or cold temperatures. Coupled with this was the fact that it was 4 o'clock in the afternoon and the only halfway decent food they had been offered all day long was McDonalds hash browns for breakfast and Mac-and-Cheese for lunch. Other than that, it was ice cream and candy all day long. In my opinion, that may not be posing imminent danger to them, but with the 10 year old having down syndrome and a multitude of respiratory problems and illnesses, that situation could have potentially landed him in the hospital. After the many thank you's and sorry's we expressed, I was trying to make Mom aware of the potential problems that could arise in an effort to prevent this from happening again in the future. After all, you can't prevent a problem if you don't know that one exists and that was the point I was trying to make. Unfortunately, Mom only saw the bad side of it and feels very unappreciated. Maybe you're right when you say that not asking anyone to watch your children is the best solution. On the other hand, maybe certain family members could learn better communication, be honest with each other and learn that being responsible doesn't have to lower the fun level.
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