The Quest Stands on the Edge of a Knife
So, not only are we almost completely out of money, dear reader, but a string of recent mishaps has me close to the edge.
1. You know about the health insurance. The agent got back to us the next day with two decent alternatives. I have yet to decide.
2. We received notice from a collection agency last week. The Columbus Dispatch charged us $25.14 for papers delivered after we moved out of state. When I received the forwarded overdue bill back in July, I called the Dispatch and explained that we had always paid for our papers in advance. We paid through May 24. When I didn't send a bill for the next few months, I figured they wouldn't send the papers. Wrong. Anyway, I officially canceled the paper and they told me they'd take care of it by wiping away the $25.14. They sure did. They referred the bill to a collection agency. So I got to sleep on that knowledge for a night. The next day they told me they really were going to wipe the slate clean, and that their collection agency does not report to the credit bureaus. Good thing.
3. I got all techie and did an online transfer from my now-nearly-defunct Ohio bank account to my new one here in Hometown. After going through the process of receiving two small "test" transfers, I went ahead and transferred $1000 into my new account. "Transfer successful!" it said, so I started writing checks with my new account.
Yesterday I received a letter from Hometown bank stating that we we had 4 overdrawn checks to the tune of $700! WTF? I asked, ragily. After sleeping on THIS information overnight, fearing that I had sent $1000 into the ether or the wrong account or otherwise fucked up my major job duty in this household, and coming to the full realization that we didn't have $700 anywhere that we could transfer into that account to cover the overdraughts, and stressing-ever-stressing about our impending doom and total financial failure, I found out that I had, indeed, made the transfer into the correct account and, yes, my bank book was accurate and showed a small, yet positive, balance. Turns out that those paranoid ass clowns at Old Bank CANCELED the transfer! They "tried to reach me by phone", but they were calling my old phone number. I did update my information online when I moved, but as I did not yet have a home phone, I merely updated my ADDRESS and EMAIL. Apparently, it didn't occur to them to mail or email me, and they canceled the transfer AFTER I had already received the "transfer successful" message and didn't bother to tell me. Or even tell me (online) that the tranfer would really only be successful after they tried to contact me BY PHONE.
So now I'm facing not four but FIVE bounced checks and a fee of $100 which, if you continue to struggle through this blog with me, you know that we really don't have. So Burb, if you don't get your $1 from me for the Segue that you really, really deserve, you know why.
4. When our accountant came to the shop to help us set up our books, it was July 31. July 31, if you don't know, is the last day to file your sales tax for the previous quarter. Sheer luck that she came in that day, as we had no idea. She faxed us the form, we wrote a check for $500 odd dollars for sales tax we've received, and mailed it to the state that day.
A few weeks ago, we got a letter from the state telling us that we're not registered as a business in MO (duh) and they can fine us $100 a day for filing sales taxes without being registered until we are registered. Well, we were working on it, and it's our (my) fault for doing it all backwards, but our intent was and is good--we WANT to be official, we WANT to pay our taxes on time, we ARE in the process of getting registered.
A week ago, we get another letter from the state telling us that we paid our taxes late and they have the option of charging us between 10% and 25% of our sales tax amount in interest on top of the late fee. So, because we are a new small business and ignorant of some things because this is our first time around, and because we were somehow late even though our taxes were postmarked on the July 31 due date, and because the State of Missouri will be ejected from the Union and wither away in debtor's prison because they received our measly $500 of sales tax on a Thursday rather than a Wednesday, they were going to charge us the full Up-the-Butt Fee of 25%.
We called the accountant and she's all over it, but the state has been slow to reply. (No doubt they had to lay off the person who normally replies because they didn't get our taxes on time. Even though they did. But the person who checks that, apparently, got laid off.) In the meantime, we received our official LLC designation from the state and it's all in process and we don't know what will happen. Will the state really punish us for putting C before A and B? Do you understand why I'm starting to feel that all this propaganda to own a home and start a business and dream American is all smelling like so much bullshit?
5. Finally, the house. We got the worksheet that shows how much you're going to pocket after all the fees and realtor commissions and the $2000 you had to give the buyers for their closing costs even though they have less than $1000 in closing costs...you know, that worksheet. And what it showed was that not only did we not make any money at all on the improvements we made, which totaled THOUSANDS of dollars and hundreds of hours, and not only did we not get our fledgling little equity back, but we also did not even get our full down payment back! And that's IF it sells. After 5 years of trying to do the right thing, we get $10,000 of our $13,000 down payment back. And, if you're still reading this increasingly depressing blog, you'll know that we have that much and more in bills due right now. And that amount does NOT include our crushing credit card debt.
What does all this tell you, dear reader? At this point, and maybe I'm PMSing a bit, but it would stand at other times as well, I've learned that it doesn't matter that you get out of bed all day and go to work and pay your bills and save a few dollars here and there and take the long, slippery walk up the student loan repayment mountain and start the kind of small business that you were always told 'made America great' and in all respects try to be a decent and respectable person and citizen. I wonder whether or not any of it means anything. We are always scraping the bottom of the barrel and have but two valuable possessions to show for it--16 acres of land in rural MO and a really big compressor. And we're halfway through. Life, that is.
I'm a little down, if you haven't guessed. The only thing up is my weight, which is always a little beam of sunshine in my world. And if I don't blog about it, what am I going to do? Who else gives a shit besides the people who read this blog?
If you want me, you can find me...on the couch, getting stoned, eating nachos, watching LOTR, and slowly turning into The Dude. I'm this close to saying Fuck it, Man. Let's go bowling.
1. You know about the health insurance. The agent got back to us the next day with two decent alternatives. I have yet to decide.
2. We received notice from a collection agency last week. The Columbus Dispatch charged us $25.14 for papers delivered after we moved out of state. When I received the forwarded overdue bill back in July, I called the Dispatch and explained that we had always paid for our papers in advance. We paid through May 24. When I didn't send a bill for the next few months, I figured they wouldn't send the papers. Wrong. Anyway, I officially canceled the paper and they told me they'd take care of it by wiping away the $25.14. They sure did. They referred the bill to a collection agency. So I got to sleep on that knowledge for a night. The next day they told me they really were going to wipe the slate clean, and that their collection agency does not report to the credit bureaus. Good thing.
3. I got all techie and did an online transfer from my now-nearly-defunct Ohio bank account to my new one here in Hometown. After going through the process of receiving two small "test" transfers, I went ahead and transferred $1000 into my new account. "Transfer successful!" it said, so I started writing checks with my new account.
Yesterday I received a letter from Hometown bank stating that we we had 4 overdrawn checks to the tune of $700! WTF? I asked, ragily. After sleeping on THIS information overnight, fearing that I had sent $1000 into the ether or the wrong account or otherwise fucked up my major job duty in this household, and coming to the full realization that we didn't have $700 anywhere that we could transfer into that account to cover the overdraughts, and stressing-ever-stressing about our impending doom and total financial failure, I found out that I had, indeed, made the transfer into the correct account and, yes, my bank book was accurate and showed a small, yet positive, balance. Turns out that those paranoid ass clowns at Old Bank CANCELED the transfer! They "tried to reach me by phone", but they were calling my old phone number. I did update my information online when I moved, but as I did not yet have a home phone, I merely updated my ADDRESS and EMAIL. Apparently, it didn't occur to them to mail or email me, and they canceled the transfer AFTER I had already received the "transfer successful" message and didn't bother to tell me. Or even tell me (online) that the tranfer would really only be successful after they tried to contact me BY PHONE.
So now I'm facing not four but FIVE bounced checks and a fee of $100 which, if you continue to struggle through this blog with me, you know that we really don't have. So Burb, if you don't get your $1 from me for the Segue that you really, really deserve, you know why.
4. When our accountant came to the shop to help us set up our books, it was July 31. July 31, if you don't know, is the last day to file your sales tax for the previous quarter. Sheer luck that she came in that day, as we had no idea. She faxed us the form, we wrote a check for $500 odd dollars for sales tax we've received, and mailed it to the state that day.
A few weeks ago, we got a letter from the state telling us that we're not registered as a business in MO (duh) and they can fine us $100 a day for filing sales taxes without being registered until we are registered. Well, we were working on it, and it's our (my) fault for doing it all backwards, but our intent was and is good--we WANT to be official, we WANT to pay our taxes on time, we ARE in the process of getting registered.
A week ago, we get another letter from the state telling us that we paid our taxes late and they have the option of charging us between 10% and 25% of our sales tax amount in interest on top of the late fee. So, because we are a new small business and ignorant of some things because this is our first time around, and because we were somehow late even though our taxes were postmarked on the July 31 due date, and because the State of Missouri will be ejected from the Union and wither away in debtor's prison because they received our measly $500 of sales tax on a Thursday rather than a Wednesday, they were going to charge us the full Up-the-Butt Fee of 25%.
We called the accountant and she's all over it, but the state has been slow to reply. (No doubt they had to lay off the person who normally replies because they didn't get our taxes on time. Even though they did. But the person who checks that, apparently, got laid off.) In the meantime, we received our official LLC designation from the state and it's all in process and we don't know what will happen. Will the state really punish us for putting C before A and B? Do you understand why I'm starting to feel that all this propaganda to own a home and start a business and dream American is all smelling like so much bullshit?
5. Finally, the house. We got the worksheet that shows how much you're going to pocket after all the fees and realtor commissions and the $2000 you had to give the buyers for their closing costs even though they have less than $1000 in closing costs...you know, that worksheet. And what it showed was that not only did we not make any money at all on the improvements we made, which totaled THOUSANDS of dollars and hundreds of hours, and not only did we not get our fledgling little equity back, but we also did not even get our full down payment back! And that's IF it sells. After 5 years of trying to do the right thing, we get $10,000 of our $13,000 down payment back. And, if you're still reading this increasingly depressing blog, you'll know that we have that much and more in bills due right now. And that amount does NOT include our crushing credit card debt.
What does all this tell you, dear reader? At this point, and maybe I'm PMSing a bit, but it would stand at other times as well, I've learned that it doesn't matter that you get out of bed all day and go to work and pay your bills and save a few dollars here and there and take the long, slippery walk up the student loan repayment mountain and start the kind of small business that you were always told 'made America great' and in all respects try to be a decent and respectable person and citizen. I wonder whether or not any of it means anything. We are always scraping the bottom of the barrel and have but two valuable possessions to show for it--16 acres of land in rural MO and a really big compressor. And we're halfway through. Life, that is.
I'm a little down, if you haven't guessed. The only thing up is my weight, which is always a little beam of sunshine in my world. And if I don't blog about it, what am I going to do? Who else gives a shit besides the people who read this blog?
If you want me, you can find me...on the couch, getting stoned, eating nachos, watching LOTR, and slowly turning into The Dude. I'm this close to saying Fuck it, Man. Let's go bowling.
posted by lulu | 12:06 PM
2 Comments:
Truly I am sorry to hear about all of this. I wish I could do something that would make the bureaucratic bullshit go away. If only the pencil pushers knew you as we do, they would clear the lane and make sure all of the mindless form stamping was completed (in whatever order) and allowed you very good, well-meaning people to get on with the life you are working so hard to achieve.
If there IS something you can dream up that I can do to alleviate the worry and stress, all you have to do is ask.
You WILL abide!
this is the way I see it: this is all horrible but you should think of it as just the cost of getting started. you'll be fine. I'm not worried about you. I feel bad it's so unpleasant, but I'm not worried.
I won't try to dispute you with details (because details can always be countered)(ah, 2B religious), but I still think it's impressive you have $500 in sales tax to pay. you obviously will be making money eventually. (that's more than some businesses can say...)
it's cool that your state paperwork is in order! I was going to suggest you get to know someone in that state office who might be able to help or advise (this worked wonders for me), but you don't really have to do that anymore.
I hate how tax deadlines are different for fed., state, local, and sales taxes. i really need to start using a calendar. and how is Sept.15-Jan.15 a fiscal "quarter," anyway? speaking of which, my nebulously "estimated" checks are sitting right next to me. Halliburton, KBR, and Lockheed Martin, I hope you appreciate it!
anyway, it sounds like now you're all set up! any recent losses, penalties, accidents, or injustices should just be chalked up to Start Up Costs. hopefully you can relax, focus on drumming up some business, kick your LOTR habit, and start making some $.
optimistically yours,
jt
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