What I'm Working With
1. Remember our screwed-up ad in the Hometown paper? The one we immediately alerted them to and sent yet another flawless copy of the copy of and were assured that it would be fixed?
It wasn't.
They repeated the ad word-for-wrongly-capitalized-word and phone number sans-a-number in Friday's edition.
2. I started my job as the Hometown Tourism Assistant this morning. Self reflection time: When you leave a job, do you...
A. just go, leaving your office and files exactly as messed up as usual, as if you were coming in the next day?
B. at least clean up after yourself, removing your personal items and computer files and straightening up a bit?
C. go full tilt and clean up after yourself AND leave things in useful order for the next person, including cleaning up computer and hard copy files and leaving a "what I just did, what you might have to do soon" list?
When I left The Hill, I did C. The chick who just left my new job chose--can you guess?--A. Only it's worse, because, apparently, she just wasn't into doing her job for, oh, the last month or so, and things are really out of whack. And, apparently, not only did she do the absolute bare minimum in her position, but she is also a ditz who has no idea how to arrange and file anything in any way that might be remotely comprehensible and useful to anyone.
3. But that's not even why I'm writing this post! I'm writing because I had to share with you one of the worst brochures I've ever seen, and also share that Hometown has 35,880 of these things (I counted), and that we have to use them before we can spend the funds to get a new one made. So my job, I think, is to slyly find out who created this piece of crap and then try to convince the Tourism Commission to recycle them and start anew.
Here is the "Hometown History" segment of this too-large brochure, recreated exactly as is--breaks and all--though names have been changed to cover my ass:
A rivertown of charm and beauty, Hometown
owes much of its present wonderful his-
torical qualities to the wisdom and creative
planning of its founder, and homes, with
over 500 sites on the National Registry.
Hometown is always ready to share its won-
derful heritage.
In 1810, Sarah Pole, a widow, and her
nine children settled in Hometown. When
Indians became hostile in 1812, Sarah
and her family moved across the Midwest
River. They returned in 1814 and built a cabin
on the river bluffs.
After 1814, more settlers came and built
in and around her fort. Hometown was laid
out as a town in 1817. Its position on the
Midwest River brought more people and
developed river trade. It continues to pros-
per to this day. In 1861, the first Battle of
Hometown was fought 1 mile east of the
town. During the Civil War, Hometown, be-
ing so centrally located and on the Midwest
River, made it a pawn of opposing forces.
Hometown today is known for its diversified
culture, history, commerce, business and in-
dustry, education, homes and tourism.
Travelers today can enjoy many of the sites
that Hometown has to offer. It's a great place
to live and a great place to visit.
Does this entice you, traveling reader? Does it nauseate you, dear editor? I won't even get into the "Fun Facts" segment. OK, I will say that it includes things like "World's tallest man visited Hometown (statue in Alton, IL)" and "First State Fairs was held here around 1850" and "Chuck Percy was known as the 'Lantern Man' because it was his job to light the street lanterns around the town."
What the hell am I supposed to do with 35,880 of these shit tickets?
It wasn't.
They repeated the ad word-for-wrongly-capitalized-word and phone number sans-a-number in Friday's edition.
2. I started my job as the Hometown Tourism Assistant this morning. Self reflection time: When you leave a job, do you...
A. just go, leaving your office and files exactly as messed up as usual, as if you were coming in the next day?
B. at least clean up after yourself, removing your personal items and computer files and straightening up a bit?
C. go full tilt and clean up after yourself AND leave things in useful order for the next person, including cleaning up computer and hard copy files and leaving a "what I just did, what you might have to do soon" list?
When I left The Hill, I did C. The chick who just left my new job chose--can you guess?--A. Only it's worse, because, apparently, she just wasn't into doing her job for, oh, the last month or so, and things are really out of whack. And, apparently, not only did she do the absolute bare minimum in her position, but she is also a ditz who has no idea how to arrange and file anything in any way that might be remotely comprehensible and useful to anyone.
3. But that's not even why I'm writing this post! I'm writing because I had to share with you one of the worst brochures I've ever seen, and also share that Hometown has 35,880 of these things (I counted), and that we have to use them before we can spend the funds to get a new one made. So my job, I think, is to slyly find out who created this piece of crap and then try to convince the Tourism Commission to recycle them and start anew.
Here is the "Hometown History" segment of this too-large brochure, recreated exactly as is--breaks and all--though names have been changed to cover my ass:
A rivertown of charm and beauty, Hometown
owes much of its present wonderful his-
torical qualities to the wisdom and creative
planning of its founder, and homes, with
over 500 sites on the National Registry.
Hometown is always ready to share its won-
derful heritage.
In 1810, Sarah Pole, a widow, and her
nine children settled in Hometown. When
Indians became hostile in 1812, Sarah
and her family moved across the Midwest
River. They returned in 1814 and built a cabin
on the river bluffs.
After 1814, more settlers came and built
in and around her fort. Hometown was laid
out as a town in 1817. Its position on the
Midwest River brought more people and
developed river trade. It continues to pros-
per to this day. In 1861, the first Battle of
Hometown was fought 1 mile east of the
town. During the Civil War, Hometown, be-
ing so centrally located and on the Midwest
River, made it a pawn of opposing forces.
Hometown today is known for its diversified
culture, history, commerce, business and in-
dustry, education, homes and tourism.
Travelers today can enjoy many of the sites
that Hometown has to offer. It's a great place
to live and a great place to visit.
Does this entice you, traveling reader? Does it nauseate you, dear editor? I won't even get into the "Fun Facts" segment. OK, I will say that it includes things like "World's tallest man visited Hometown (statue in Alton, IL)" and "First State Fairs was held here around 1850" and "Chuck Percy was known as the 'Lantern Man' because it was his job to light the street lanterns around the town."
What the hell am I supposed to do with 35,880 of these shit tickets?
posted by lulu | 12:09 PM
1 Comments:
I am sorry that NOTHING happened in Hometown between the Civil War and . . . today . . ? I wonder how all of the diversified culture, history, commerce, business, and industry, education, homes, and tourism occured in the blink of an eye between then and now.
Can you burn, or otherwise discretly dispose of, the offending pamphlets?
(Apropos of nothing, the Good Eats chef, Alton Brown visited Alton, Illinois during his recent motorcycle journey up the Mississippi River.)
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