A Humble Thanksgiving Prayer

Dear Lord, let us thank thee for butter and salt.

For without these thy blessed food additives, as was witnessed this day, Thanksgiving dinner, well, it's not just not quite there is it?

And please, Lord, next Thanksgiving, please spare us thy family-wide stomach flu smoting. And, Lord, please deliver us yonder stepfathers, who can really cook the sh-, er, stuffing out of thine artificially plumped fowl, and tubers, and green fruit-of-the-vine, and who serve us beer and football, and everything else that makes Thanksgiving worth it's place in our hearts and stomachs.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Lord.

Amen.