Halloween 2007: A Very Scary Year
Thanks for asking, Sven. I was just about to write about this Halloween. Unfortunately, it was not as idyllic as last year.
First of all, Hometown, MO doesn't have a scheduled time for trick-or-treat like Hometown, OH does. This might surprise you given my rebel nature, but I think there should be a set time for trick-or-treating. Halloween goes all day, but if you give kids, say, 3 hours to collect candy, it helps people. And I'm all about helping people. How does it help people? Setting parameters help people plan their evening, and might lead to more participation if more people were assured that kids wouldn't be knocking on their doors all damn night.
Also, there's this: The Lions have a Halloween parade that begins at 6 p.m. Costumed kids line up behind the costumed high school band and walk down Main Street. At the end, there is a little costume contest. Here's the problem: A lot of kids don't participate in the parade, and many less participate in the costume contest, because they are out trick-or-treating. So the whole event has this sense of urgency--you could almost feel the wafting "I know I'm missing out" vibes. It was a street (mostly) full of Sally Browns, lamenting their decision to hang out and wait for the Great Pumpkin with Linus instead of being out, tearing up the town, getting tons of candy. If the parade went from, say, 6-6:30, and trick-or-treating went from 6:30-9:30, there'd be a lot more kids in the Halloween parade.
Stevie was in the parade, owning his homemade ninja costume, stealthily slipping up to even teenagers and going "Yaaaaaahhhh!" while delivering the fatal blow. He even approached a little boy who was wearing a store-bought ninja costume and said, "I saw your costume in a catalog! I based my costume on the one you have!" At the end of the line, he was in the 2nd and 3rd grade contest, fiercely competing against 4 others for 3 cash prizes ($10 for first, $5 for second, $3 for third). One of his cousins was helping with the judging. Perhaps her diligence to remain fair was one reason for his loss, or it could have been the score I gave her on her 4-H paper, which, I'm sure, was lower than she thought it should be (Hey--I was looking for some emotion, not just a laundry list of all the damn horse workshops you attended. But you're not a real emotional gal, unless snottiness is an "emotion".).
Either way, he didn't win, place, or show. And that crushing loss to the first place cowgirl "who didn't even look like a cowgirl!" (she did), a generic witch, and a pretty good (and bloody) werewolf pissed Stevie off but GOOD.
After a little shout-out to injustice, Stevie pulled it together and we started trick-or-treating in earnest. But it was a lame charade! A shadow of a trick-or-treat! Not only were we sans cousins, we were practically sans other revelers. We had walked across Main Street to one half of the charming old part of Hometown, hoping for some old-timey goodness.
What we got were at least 3 dark porches between each lit one, only one attempt at a real scary porch, and very few kids to share the experience with. There was one bright spot: As we were trudging along between many candy-less homes, a group of 3 teenagers walked toward us. Stevie, who seemed oblivious to them, suddenly sprang into ninja action! right in front of them! yelling out something like "Kai-yah!" and challenging his opponent's neck with his lighted-blue sword. The trio was brought to a temporary halt, the nearly dead girl squealing "Oh my gosh!!" before we all started laughing. That kid is fearless.
But it didn't overcome the pall of the evening. The final humiliation? At the FINAL home on our washed-out route, Stevie was greeted by who else but the lame cowgirl with $10 ill-earned bucks who handed out...tan-colored pencils. PENCILS!! TAN ONES!!
This event was not lost on Stevie. But at least he was gracious to her face.
I told him that we might be flying back to Ohio for Halloween next year. This, and the 7-Up he was given by one house that slaked his terrible thirst, brightened his mood somewhat.
To wrap up: I bought a huge amount of candy two weeks before Halloween. We ate half of it before the 31st and I gave the other 1/2 to Stevie to make up for his piddly take. We're still eating it. No one comes to our house--we're on a road without sidewalks and we're 100 yards from it. What was Mark doing this whole time? Mostly riding on shoulders, though he was game for a lot of treating. He had a good evening.
But I was sorely disappointed in new Hometown's lame Halloween. I might even write a letter.
First of all, Hometown, MO doesn't have a scheduled time for trick-or-treat like Hometown, OH does. This might surprise you given my rebel nature, but I think there should be a set time for trick-or-treating. Halloween goes all day, but if you give kids, say, 3 hours to collect candy, it helps people. And I'm all about helping people. How does it help people? Setting parameters help people plan their evening, and might lead to more participation if more people were assured that kids wouldn't be knocking on their doors all damn night.
Also, there's this: The Lions have a Halloween parade that begins at 6 p.m. Costumed kids line up behind the costumed high school band and walk down Main Street. At the end, there is a little costume contest. Here's the problem: A lot of kids don't participate in the parade, and many less participate in the costume contest, because they are out trick-or-treating. So the whole event has this sense of urgency--you could almost feel the wafting "I know I'm missing out" vibes. It was a street (mostly) full of Sally Browns, lamenting their decision to hang out and wait for the Great Pumpkin with Linus instead of being out, tearing up the town, getting tons of candy. If the parade went from, say, 6-6:30, and trick-or-treating went from 6:30-9:30, there'd be a lot more kids in the Halloween parade.
Stevie was in the parade, owning his homemade ninja costume, stealthily slipping up to even teenagers and going "Yaaaaaahhhh!" while delivering the fatal blow. He even approached a little boy who was wearing a store-bought ninja costume and said, "I saw your costume in a catalog! I based my costume on the one you have!" At the end of the line, he was in the 2nd and 3rd grade contest, fiercely competing against 4 others for 3 cash prizes ($10 for first, $5 for second, $3 for third). One of his cousins was helping with the judging. Perhaps her diligence to remain fair was one reason for his loss, or it could have been the score I gave her on her 4-H paper, which, I'm sure, was lower than she thought it should be (Hey--I was looking for some emotion, not just a laundry list of all the damn horse workshops you attended. But you're not a real emotional gal, unless snottiness is an "emotion".).
Either way, he didn't win, place, or show. And that crushing loss to the first place cowgirl "who didn't even look like a cowgirl!" (she did), a generic witch, and a pretty good (and bloody) werewolf pissed Stevie off but GOOD.
After a little shout-out to injustice, Stevie pulled it together and we started trick-or-treating in earnest. But it was a lame charade! A shadow of a trick-or-treat! Not only were we sans cousins, we were practically sans other revelers. We had walked across Main Street to one half of the charming old part of Hometown, hoping for some old-timey goodness.
What we got were at least 3 dark porches between each lit one, only one attempt at a real scary porch, and very few kids to share the experience with. There was one bright spot: As we were trudging along between many candy-less homes, a group of 3 teenagers walked toward us. Stevie, who seemed oblivious to them, suddenly sprang into ninja action! right in front of them! yelling out something like "Kai-yah!" and challenging his opponent's neck with his lighted-blue sword. The trio was brought to a temporary halt, the nearly dead girl squealing "Oh my gosh!!" before we all started laughing. That kid is fearless.
But it didn't overcome the pall of the evening. The final humiliation? At the FINAL home on our washed-out route, Stevie was greeted by who else but the lame cowgirl with $10 ill-earned bucks who handed out...tan-colored pencils. PENCILS!! TAN ONES!!
This event was not lost on Stevie. But at least he was gracious to her face.
I told him that we might be flying back to Ohio for Halloween next year. This, and the 7-Up he was given by one house that slaked his terrible thirst, brightened his mood somewhat.
To wrap up: I bought a huge amount of candy two weeks before Halloween. We ate half of it before the 31st and I gave the other 1/2 to Stevie to make up for his piddly take. We're still eating it. No one comes to our house--we're on a road without sidewalks and we're 100 yards from it. What was Mark doing this whole time? Mostly riding on shoulders, though he was game for a lot of treating. He had a good evening.
But I was sorely disappointed in new Hometown's lame Halloween. I might even write a letter.
posted by lulu | 7:07 AM
3 Comments:
Are you, or are you not, the tourism tzar for Hometown, MO?
Though I support you flying back to OH for Halloween--you can trick or treat on our street--I think you should organize a Halloween blitz for next year that would rival the insane Halloween events of Athens, OH.
Make Hometown the best Halloween for the tricounty area or something.
You can do it!
My thoughts exactly, Burb. Who else but the Tzourism Tzar could make Hometown the Halloween destination of choice!? I see a 3-column story w/photo in the NYT, a five-minute spiel on Michael Feldman's Whatdyaknow, and a spot on the TV news in SL and KC: what town's name begins with 'BOO...'?
Genius--love the "Boo". And I love your confidence in me. But that's a pretty tall order.
Athens has a long and storied haunted history, what with the cemetery pentagram and the haunted train tunnel and the ghost in one of the residence halls. Plus, Athens has tens of thousands of students just looking for an excuse to get all hopped up on mushrooms and go nuts. Or, here lately, come in, get wasted, and look at the other lame-os who just came to look.
What does Hometown have? Well, we do have a haunted old military campus....
Hmmmm...in which direction do I want to take this thing?
Lulu
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