Another undecided Ohio voter
Is there another miracle left for an underdog from Massachusetts? If we hold up BELIEVE signs, if we collectively will it into reality, will the poll workers open those precious provisional votes and find Kerry's name? God, what a story that would be.
Right now, it's probably the only story that will make me feel less hopeless and afraid. I stayed up until 2:30, watching Bush's slight lead in my home state--Ohio if you haven't figured it out--narrow ever so slightly, at one point to just under 100,000 votes, with almost 10% uncounted. Finally, I gave up my post, put a pillow over my ear, and fell half asleep. Occasionally, some good news seeped in--Kerry took Michigan. But then Dan Rather (channel 10 had the best reception) would start crunching the numbers, and my shallow dreams began to reflect my growing despair. When I awoke at 5:30, with 99% of Ohio precincts reporting, Bush was still up 51%.
At that point, all of the anxiety that has been building up so palpably for the last several months released itself. I started sobbing and just couldn't stop. Even now, I sit here on the verge of tears, wondering what happened to my tenuous grasp on hope, to my country, to the sense of decency that, deep down, I felt existed in Americans. Last night I watched Fahrenheit 911 in between the early election results. Bad move. It only confirmed what I already knew about Bush and company, and makes today's results even more unbelievable.
All 11 of the gay marriage bans passed. One border state (I apologize--I forget which one) voted to cut off all public services for illegal aliens, which includes the children that those parents are understandably trying to make a better life for. And all over the country, voters are saying that "moral values" was one of their major issues, most notably among "white moms." I just want to say, fuck them. I know it doesn't do much good, but my anger and, more accurately, disbelief that the views of a small group of fundamentalists has spread like a tumor to become the, seemingly, majority view of the people of this supposedly freedom-loving nation is sickening. Just sickening! I could make a long list of examples, of things that our government and their supporters have done and supported in the name of "moral values"--things that are completely immoral, like leaving Iraqi children dead in the streets, denying a group of people their rights as citizens based on, based on what, exactly?--but it's too much for me.
Yesterday I read a speech emailed to me by MoveOn. It was a speech given by Bill Moyers, urging Americans to remember the populist vision for America, to remedy bad government with good government, to not lose sight of the light while you still hold a candle in your hand. It made me want to run for public office--seriously. If bad government is remedied by good government, then I should run. I trust myself--I know my motives. I am honest, I want peace, I care about the poor and don't mind my tax dollars going to help them, I believe in an educated populace. I believe in democracy, and I love this country.
But after last night, I no longer believe that I would stand any kind of chance, because the majority of Americans this morning don't seem to care about real honesty, real peace, the poor, the children, or the fact that they are being duped by Machiavellian leaders and a lazy, corporate-owned media.
As I listened in a depressed, tired haze to the commercials between election coverage early this morning, I was reminded that the real battles are visible all around us--the chipper actors selling air freshener represented the corporations, the leaders of which are tickled pink about last night's seeming victory for the president and his gerrymandering party, about the people's never-failing ability to forget, about their blissful state of not having to care about shit. Ugh! I can't tell you the effect those commericals had on me! It was as if someone had died, and you know that life goes on, but it suddenly seems so raw and ugly and cold.
I actually played with the thought of just giving up on caring, on taking on the attitude of the person in Garrison Keillor's satirical song--the lifelong liberal who decides to chuck it all and be a Republican so s/he doesn't have to worry, doesn't have to care, except about her/himself.
Unfortunately, I can't quite get there.
So . . . what to do? Obviously, I'm a bit depressed now. I'm also afraid--very afraid--that this administration, with the help of a more solid Republican majority, will be able to finish what they started to finish--the environment, women, the Iraqis, the ruination of America's reputation, civil liberties, gay rights, fair trade, worker's rights, poor people, poor children, the schools, a stable international population, scientific research, human resources for AIDS and other diseases, a free media, a rational citizenry, and many more things that are important and even precious to me.
I'm also afraid that the Dark Ages have been renewed--that we are moving once again towards the disastrous consequences that occur when fundamentalist religion is allowed to reign free in government.
So do you fight on? Run for office despite the odds, as Bill Moyers urges? Or do you give up and deal with your own family and immediate community? What? What do I do?
Right now, it's probably the only story that will make me feel less hopeless and afraid. I stayed up until 2:30, watching Bush's slight lead in my home state--Ohio if you haven't figured it out--narrow ever so slightly, at one point to just under 100,000 votes, with almost 10% uncounted. Finally, I gave up my post, put a pillow over my ear, and fell half asleep. Occasionally, some good news seeped in--Kerry took Michigan. But then Dan Rather (channel 10 had the best reception) would start crunching the numbers, and my shallow dreams began to reflect my growing despair. When I awoke at 5:30, with 99% of Ohio precincts reporting, Bush was still up 51%.
At that point, all of the anxiety that has been building up so palpably for the last several months released itself. I started sobbing and just couldn't stop. Even now, I sit here on the verge of tears, wondering what happened to my tenuous grasp on hope, to my country, to the sense of decency that, deep down, I felt existed in Americans. Last night I watched Fahrenheit 911 in between the early election results. Bad move. It only confirmed what I already knew about Bush and company, and makes today's results even more unbelievable.
All 11 of the gay marriage bans passed. One border state (I apologize--I forget which one) voted to cut off all public services for illegal aliens, which includes the children that those parents are understandably trying to make a better life for. And all over the country, voters are saying that "moral values" was one of their major issues, most notably among "white moms." I just want to say, fuck them. I know it doesn't do much good, but my anger and, more accurately, disbelief that the views of a small group of fundamentalists has spread like a tumor to become the, seemingly, majority view of the people of this supposedly freedom-loving nation is sickening. Just sickening! I could make a long list of examples, of things that our government and their supporters have done and supported in the name of "moral values"--things that are completely immoral, like leaving Iraqi children dead in the streets, denying a group of people their rights as citizens based on, based on what, exactly?--but it's too much for me.
Yesterday I read a speech emailed to me by MoveOn. It was a speech given by Bill Moyers, urging Americans to remember the populist vision for America, to remedy bad government with good government, to not lose sight of the light while you still hold a candle in your hand. It made me want to run for public office--seriously. If bad government is remedied by good government, then I should run. I trust myself--I know my motives. I am honest, I want peace, I care about the poor and don't mind my tax dollars going to help them, I believe in an educated populace. I believe in democracy, and I love this country.
But after last night, I no longer believe that I would stand any kind of chance, because the majority of Americans this morning don't seem to care about real honesty, real peace, the poor, the children, or the fact that they are being duped by Machiavellian leaders and a lazy, corporate-owned media.
As I listened in a depressed, tired haze to the commercials between election coverage early this morning, I was reminded that the real battles are visible all around us--the chipper actors selling air freshener represented the corporations, the leaders of which are tickled pink about last night's seeming victory for the president and his gerrymandering party, about the people's never-failing ability to forget, about their blissful state of not having to care about shit. Ugh! I can't tell you the effect those commericals had on me! It was as if someone had died, and you know that life goes on, but it suddenly seems so raw and ugly and cold.
I actually played with the thought of just giving up on caring, on taking on the attitude of the person in Garrison Keillor's satirical song--the lifelong liberal who decides to chuck it all and be a Republican so s/he doesn't have to worry, doesn't have to care, except about her/himself.
Unfortunately, I can't quite get there.
So . . . what to do? Obviously, I'm a bit depressed now. I'm also afraid--very afraid--that this administration, with the help of a more solid Republican majority, will be able to finish what they started to finish--the environment, women, the Iraqis, the ruination of America's reputation, civil liberties, gay rights, fair trade, worker's rights, poor people, poor children, the schools, a stable international population, scientific research, human resources for AIDS and other diseases, a free media, a rational citizenry, and many more things that are important and even precious to me.
I'm also afraid that the Dark Ages have been renewed--that we are moving once again towards the disastrous consequences that occur when fundamentalist religion is allowed to reign free in government.
So do you fight on? Run for office despite the odds, as Bill Moyers urges? Or do you give up and deal with your own family and immediate community? What? What do I do?
posted by lulu | 4:12 AM
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