Greatness awaits you--if only you take the first step
WARNING: This post contains a story that many would consider pretty gross.
So I put on my red mules this morning. “My daddy hates it when I wear these red mules.” (Can you name the movie that this bastardized line comes from?) Anyway, I walk out to my car, start it, and slip off my shoes for the exhilarating drive to work.
I’m driving for a good 20 minutes when I shift my feet and feel something wet. “What the hell is that?” I say in my mind. I rub my bare feet on each other, thinking that I’m wiping some sort of car fluid off my feet, and what the hell kind of car fluid leaks out by the accelerator? I glance down at my feet and they’re BROWN!
I stepped in a fresh pile of chicken crap on the way to my car (I mean Really Fresh, and apparently the result of the chicken eating something that didn't quite agree with her), inadvertently got some on a pedal, and then smeared it all over my freshly showered feet. All at 55 mph.
As I got closer to work and started being stopped by lights, I grabbed my “Slightly-Damp-Ones” and attempted to wipe the now baked on—thanks to my car heater—poop from my feet. And the first thing that I did when I got to work was haul ass to the baff and scrub the rest off.
On my way out of the bathroom there was a slight noise indicating that something was stuck to the bottom of my shoe. (!?) Thinking it was toilet paper, I immediately wondered if there was any better way to humiliate myself today, cuz I just hadn’t had enough to that point and it was already 8 a.m. I reached down and pulled what looked like a folded fortune-cookie fortune off my sole, threw it into the trash, and began to walk out.
Then I stopped.
If it was indeed a fortune, and it was stuck to the small amount of chicken poop still on the bottom of my shoe, I just had to read it, right? So I pulled it out from among the moist towelettes. The message?
“It is very possible that
you will achieve greatness
in your lifetime.”
So I put on my red mules this morning. “My daddy hates it when I wear these red mules.” (Can you name the movie that this bastardized line comes from?) Anyway, I walk out to my car, start it, and slip off my shoes for the exhilarating drive to work.
I’m driving for a good 20 minutes when I shift my feet and feel something wet. “What the hell is that?” I say in my mind. I rub my bare feet on each other, thinking that I’m wiping some sort of car fluid off my feet, and what the hell kind of car fluid leaks out by the accelerator? I glance down at my feet and they’re BROWN!
I stepped in a fresh pile of chicken crap on the way to my car (I mean Really Fresh, and apparently the result of the chicken eating something that didn't quite agree with her), inadvertently got some on a pedal, and then smeared it all over my freshly showered feet. All at 55 mph.
As I got closer to work and started being stopped by lights, I grabbed my “Slightly-Damp-Ones” and attempted to wipe the now baked on—thanks to my car heater—poop from my feet. And the first thing that I did when I got to work was haul ass to the baff and scrub the rest off.
On my way out of the bathroom there was a slight noise indicating that something was stuck to the bottom of my shoe. (!?) Thinking it was toilet paper, I immediately wondered if there was any better way to humiliate myself today, cuz I just hadn’t had enough to that point and it was already 8 a.m. I reached down and pulled what looked like a folded fortune-cookie fortune off my sole, threw it into the trash, and began to walk out.
Then I stopped.
If it was indeed a fortune, and it was stuck to the small amount of chicken poop still on the bottom of my shoe, I just had to read it, right? So I pulled it out from among the moist towelettes. The message?
“It is very possible that
you will achieve greatness
in your lifetime.”
posted by lulu | 10:09 AM
3 Comments:
You know, anything's POSSIBLE. It is also possible that you will step in some shit today. (Upon deep reflection:) Is that what Lao-tse really meant by that great line about a journey of a thousand miles?
I believe it was Lao Tsu that said in one of the zen koans:
"When posting embarassing stuff on blogs, you can hear everyone laughing."
Not one of the better koans, I admit, but there it is.
Oh wow. I had to really giggle on your blog! Sorry to say but I've had similiar experiences as you on my way to work! Hope things are looking up for you! Amy
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