Tangled Up in Poo
I've been a ball of anxiety lately. Almost completely outta sorts.
I've had anxiety dreams all week. One was kind of amusing, once I woke up. In the dream, I had to travel about 1/4 mile to do some work thing. I chose to take a different, much longer route, which had me thinking that people (hello, boss reference) are going to come down on me for making a bad choice and being late. Also, along the wrong route, I chose to drink TWO bottles of wine. So, not only was I risking a horrific DUI, but I was going to show up late for work, completely sloshed.
And then I had not one, but TWO anxiety dreams about Stevie. I won't go into detail, but they both involved something being really wrong with Stevie that I couldn't fix. And they came back-to-back, doubling the worry and paranoia. And bad dreams about your kids are the worst kind.
When I get home at night from the job that I don't enjoy at all (#1 issue), I am overwhelmed by the amount of things that need to get done (#2 and #3). Kevin and I are moving on the plan to open our own business in MO. Just that, alone, is a ton of work. There are buildings to buy and people to conspire with so that we can buy it. There are banks to call and old buddies who are bankers to call to procure free advice. There are equipment lists to make and get prices for. There is a business plan to write, which opens up another large box of things to sort through.
Beyond that, there are the beginning movements in getting a house ready for sale, a house that we're pretty sure we won't get any money out of (stressor #257). And, a house that needs a lot to get in shape for the sale and when in the hell are we going to be able to get to all of it? And then the whole deal about packing up and leaving and all that entails.
Argh.
Beyond that, I'm mad at My Best Friend Who Says He'll Be There in 2 Hours (For Sure, This Time!) and Then Calls 2 Hours Later and Says, "I Got Too Hot Outside. I Won't Be There" not realizing that he is the one who initiated the visit and said about 4 times that he was coming over and that he was bringing my son's gifts and, since he called just 2 hours prior to arrival and assured me he was coming I told the son and then, after friend cancelled, had to tell the son that no, he WASN'T coming and then listen to my son cry and later, at bed time, sadly say "Only one guest arrived today" (One out of three). So I'm pretty miffed about that and, I won't deny, I'm feeling bad about it all. Not only did he cancel so late in the day that most every other plan start time had long since passed, but he cancelled on us AGAIN. What am I, man?
AND I heard news from my brother's terrible divorce that his evil ex-wife wants $50,000 just given to her before she'll move out of a house that she doesn't own or pay for and since my brother doesn't have the money (because he's supporting her, 3 years after the split!) "he can borrow it from his rich (88-year old) grandmother" who has nothing to do with any of this.
Sorry. I'm tied up in knots right now.
I've had anxiety dreams all week. One was kind of amusing, once I woke up. In the dream, I had to travel about 1/4 mile to do some work thing. I chose to take a different, much longer route, which had me thinking that people (hello, boss reference) are going to come down on me for making a bad choice and being late. Also, along the wrong route, I chose to drink TWO bottles of wine. So, not only was I risking a horrific DUI, but I was going to show up late for work, completely sloshed.
And then I had not one, but TWO anxiety dreams about Stevie. I won't go into detail, but they both involved something being really wrong with Stevie that I couldn't fix. And they came back-to-back, doubling the worry and paranoia. And bad dreams about your kids are the worst kind.
When I get home at night from the job that I don't enjoy at all (#1 issue), I am overwhelmed by the amount of things that need to get done (#2 and #3). Kevin and I are moving on the plan to open our own business in MO. Just that, alone, is a ton of work. There are buildings to buy and people to conspire with so that we can buy it. There are banks to call and old buddies who are bankers to call to procure free advice. There are equipment lists to make and get prices for. There is a business plan to write, which opens up another large box of things to sort through.
Beyond that, there are the beginning movements in getting a house ready for sale, a house that we're pretty sure we won't get any money out of (stressor #257). And, a house that needs a lot to get in shape for the sale and when in the hell are we going to be able to get to all of it? And then the whole deal about packing up and leaving and all that entails.
Argh.
Beyond that, I'm mad at My Best Friend Who Says He'll Be There in 2 Hours (For Sure, This Time!) and Then Calls 2 Hours Later and Says, "I Got Too Hot Outside. I Won't Be There" not realizing that he is the one who initiated the visit and said about 4 times that he was coming over and that he was bringing my son's gifts and, since he called just 2 hours prior to arrival and assured me he was coming I told the son and then, after friend cancelled, had to tell the son that no, he WASN'T coming and then listen to my son cry and later, at bed time, sadly say "Only one guest arrived today" (One out of three). So I'm pretty miffed about that and, I won't deny, I'm feeling bad about it all. Not only did he cancel so late in the day that most every other plan start time had long since passed, but he cancelled on us AGAIN. What am I, man?
AND I heard news from my brother's terrible divorce that his evil ex-wife wants $50,000 just given to her before she'll move out of a house that she doesn't own or pay for and since my brother doesn't have the money (because he's supporting her, 3 years after the split!) "he can borrow it from his rich (88-year old) grandmother" who has nothing to do with any of this.
Sorry. I'm tied up in knots right now.
posted by lulu | 10:18 AM
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