Life Lesson #1,246
When you take a family drama public, even in a very anonymous way, be prepared to respond.
Since none of you reading this that weren't directly involved know the story, I will spare you the grisly details. Suffice it to say that my mom and stepdad got into a fight with my brother and sister-in-law over a babysitting snafu. And it got ugly. And it was a first.
When the hired babysitter cancelled (for good reason), mother covered the duty, allowing brother to continue with wedding weekend (again, I ask, when did weddings extend to weekends instead of a day?). Brother didn't like the terms of coverage, nor how the kids were covered (or lack thereof). Mother wasn't exactly thrilled to cover, and had an exhausting, stressful day. So the fermenting problem began to bubble over when brother decided to tell mother how to do it in the future/attack her as completely incompetent (depending on whom you talk to). Brewery exploded when charges amounting to "you ruined our wedding!"/request to "get on your knees and kiss my feet!" were thrown into the mix (again, depending on whom you talk to).
How did all of this affect my psyche and personal growth? I know you're all dying to know. I judged--I really did. I heard from mother first, a cord was hit, and I took a side. I actually thought that there was nothing brother could say that would make what he said acceptable. So I wrote Life Lesson #1,245 as an anonymous (to those outside the fray) and slightly-humorous-but-still-biting response to one aspect of what I had heard. I figured if brother read it (and I know he reads this sometimes) it would let him know how I felt and perhaps open a dialogue about just what the hell happened. And blogging? It's what I do. Honestly, I didn't know quite what to do. I was pretty disgusted and unwilling to call and ask for his side. My mistake was being convinced that he didn't have one. Everyone has a side--even my evil ex-sister-in-law (probably).
So how would I have handled this situation? I can only speculate, but here's what I came up with: If I had been in mother's shoes, I would have stayed at brother's and watched the kids there. Would I have been thrilled at the prospect? No--not after being there since Friday evening. I like my weekends and should not have to justify my reasons--and their importance--for wanting to be home. If I had heard something along the lines of a sarcastic "SO SORRY to force you to spend time with your nephews--I know it's SO HARD" I would have been rightly pissed. But still, I would have stayed and let Nephew #2 be mad that he missed his soccer game. And if you think that I wouldn't expect cooperation in returning the favor someday, you're living in fairyland.
If I had been in brother's shoes, I would have given up my plans (or cut them short) and come home, knowing that I could do lunch another weekend. Sure, it wouldn't be my "wedding weekend", but 1. I was already married, 2. weddings aren't nearly as important as what comes after them, and 3. mother had never cared for two of my four children, they hardly knew her, and some instruction on how to deal with their sometimes difficult behavior (as well as their nutritional needs, which--come on--I'm not that strict about. Hello? PopTarts?) should be given beforehand.
So that's where I stand. In the middle. Not firmly. Somewhat buffeted. I'm holding onto a tender reed of hope that my impartial-as-possible commentary will shake something up and hopefully that something will land, together, on the living room floor at Christmastime, because I already have everyone's presents, damnit!
Perhaps Life Lesson #1,247 will be "don't comment on a fight between people that you love". But what the hell. Life Lesson #1 is all about not living your life in fear. #2? Forgiveness.
Since none of you reading this that weren't directly involved know the story, I will spare you the grisly details. Suffice it to say that my mom and stepdad got into a fight with my brother and sister-in-law over a babysitting snafu. And it got ugly. And it was a first.
When the hired babysitter cancelled (for good reason), mother covered the duty, allowing brother to continue with wedding weekend (again, I ask, when did weddings extend to weekends instead of a day?). Brother didn't like the terms of coverage, nor how the kids were covered (or lack thereof). Mother wasn't exactly thrilled to cover, and had an exhausting, stressful day. So the fermenting problem began to bubble over when brother decided to tell mother how to do it in the future/attack her as completely incompetent (depending on whom you talk to). Brewery exploded when charges amounting to "you ruined our wedding!"/request to "get on your knees and kiss my feet!" were thrown into the mix (again, depending on whom you talk to).
How did all of this affect my psyche and personal growth? I know you're all dying to know. I judged--I really did. I heard from mother first, a cord was hit, and I took a side. I actually thought that there was nothing brother could say that would make what he said acceptable. So I wrote Life Lesson #1,245 as an anonymous (to those outside the fray) and slightly-humorous-but-still-biting response to one aspect of what I had heard. I figured if brother read it (and I know he reads this sometimes) it would let him know how I felt and perhaps open a dialogue about just what the hell happened. And blogging? It's what I do. Honestly, I didn't know quite what to do. I was pretty disgusted and unwilling to call and ask for his side. My mistake was being convinced that he didn't have one. Everyone has a side--even my evil ex-sister-in-law (probably).
So how would I have handled this situation? I can only speculate, but here's what I came up with: If I had been in mother's shoes, I would have stayed at brother's and watched the kids there. Would I have been thrilled at the prospect? No--not after being there since Friday evening. I like my weekends and should not have to justify my reasons--and their importance--for wanting to be home. If I had heard something along the lines of a sarcastic "SO SORRY to force you to spend time with your nephews--I know it's SO HARD" I would have been rightly pissed. But still, I would have stayed and let Nephew #2 be mad that he missed his soccer game. And if you think that I wouldn't expect cooperation in returning the favor someday, you're living in fairyland.
If I had been in brother's shoes, I would have given up my plans (or cut them short) and come home, knowing that I could do lunch another weekend. Sure, it wouldn't be my "wedding weekend", but 1. I was already married, 2. weddings aren't nearly as important as what comes after them, and 3. mother had never cared for two of my four children, they hardly knew her, and some instruction on how to deal with their sometimes difficult behavior (as well as their nutritional needs, which--come on--I'm not that strict about. Hello? PopTarts?) should be given beforehand.
So that's where I stand. In the middle. Not firmly. Somewhat buffeted. I'm holding onto a tender reed of hope that my impartial-as-possible commentary will shake something up and hopefully that something will land, together, on the living room floor at Christmastime, because I already have everyone's presents, damnit!
Perhaps Life Lesson #1,247 will be "don't comment on a fight between people that you love". But what the hell. Life Lesson #1 is all about not living your life in fear. #2? Forgiveness.
posted by lulu | 12:14 PM
2 Comments:
Oh, and I did apologize to brother for judging too quickly. I also realize that I've opened myself up to a hell of a lot of judgment and criticism and that these people know me better than anyone outside of my husband and they could definitely ruin any political career-plans I might have had with one well-worded and devastating comment . . . but remember one thing:
I can DELETE these comments and turn you in to blogspot.com for a stern email reprimand. Just think about THAT.
What "well-worded and devastating comment" would that be that might ruin your future political plans? I might want to save it and use it in the future.
Just kidding................maybe.
Love ya Sis.
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