Mammograms and Generational Issues
Two things today!
I. I had my second mammogram last week. It was infinitely easier than the first one. Maybe because I knew what to expect; maybe because the technician wasn't nicknamed "The Smasher"; maybe because this last bout of breastfeeding has sapped most of the remaining elasticity out of my breasts. Anyway, it was no big deal at all, and I won't dread my third one. No results yet.
II. My brother is having a wedding in October. He's already married, but it was a quickie thing done to get his ex-wife off his legal back. The October date is the big ceremony. The bride is wearing ivory; the groom, brown. The sons, also brown. The dogs, flowers (for the girl dog) and ??? for the boy dog (he should probably wear a diaper, given his performance in front of an admiring crowd at the Race for the Cure). The dads-in-law are wearing black; the mothers-in-law, navy. And therein lies the problem. Both mothers bought the exact same navy pant/tunic suit thing from Penney's. And neither one wants to exchange. And . . . and . . . why is this such a big deal in the first place?
Here's my argument against either returning the pantsuit:
1. Who the hell cares?
2. The typical male at a formal gathering is about as unique as that one penguin in March of the Penguins--you know the one. He (she?) had a slightly off-white feather near his (her?) left foot. It was really more of a "woodland snow" color as opposed to the much more brash "snowdust".
Anyhoo, my point. If the men can stand to look exactly alike, why not us gals? It's really the bride's day, anyway, and no one will be looking at all us other birds (or shouldn't be--it's the BRIDE'S DAY). At least half the attendees (men and children) are unlikely to notice. The other half might assume it's an ersatz bridesmaid's thing, as the typical bridesmaids, who are made to look like proverbial dogs due to famously ugly and horribly unflattering strapless satin bridesmaid's dresses that always seem one size too small, are being replaced by actual dogs.
3. The bride is requesting the strict color palette for photo and general aesthetic purposes. The moms won't be "standing" with the bride and groom, so there won't be a lot of exposure. Everyone in the photos is going to be matchy-matchy anyway. Why not the moms? Is there such a thing as clashing shades of navy? If so, it's likely to happen given the planetary ruckus that has erupted thus far. With the same dress you are virtually guaranteed that the dress-pant suit outfits will be the same shade. I say "virtually" guaranteed because there is such a thing as "dye lots" and it is Penney's after all.
4. The "generational issue" title might be off-base, but I think that being appalled at being in the same dress is more of an issue with women in my mom's generation than it would be with mine. Again, I could be way off. But I'm basing it on this: I don't know if she follows these rules anymore, but my mom and a lot of women my mom's age still won't wear white after Labor Day, or wear velvet in the summer, and all those different weird rules that lawless Gen Xers are eschewing. I think. It really could just be me. I will totally, like, concede that. Still, my message to these women would be never trust anyone over 30. And loosen up, groovy chicks. Zip in, drink up, bliss out. But would my advice lead to two victims of a lot of vicious bathroom gossip? I really can't tell. I CAN tell you that no one will be wearing what I'm wearing, as I have decided to not wear clothes to this event.
But here's the problem. The bride's mom does NOT think this pantsuit tunic thing is funny AT ALL. My mom laughed about it. The bride's mom did NOT laugh. And, by God, she bought hers first. So now my mom has to make a decision. (I have already alerted her to my all-important opinion.)
What would yours be?
I. I had my second mammogram last week. It was infinitely easier than the first one. Maybe because I knew what to expect; maybe because the technician wasn't nicknamed "The Smasher"; maybe because this last bout of breastfeeding has sapped most of the remaining elasticity out of my breasts. Anyway, it was no big deal at all, and I won't dread my third one. No results yet.
II. My brother is having a wedding in October. He's already married, but it was a quickie thing done to get his ex-wife off his legal back. The October date is the big ceremony. The bride is wearing ivory; the groom, brown. The sons, also brown. The dogs, flowers (for the girl dog) and ??? for the boy dog (he should probably wear a diaper, given his performance in front of an admiring crowd at the Race for the Cure). The dads-in-law are wearing black; the mothers-in-law, navy. And therein lies the problem. Both mothers bought the exact same navy pant/tunic suit thing from Penney's. And neither one wants to exchange. And . . . and . . . why is this such a big deal in the first place?
Here's my argument against either returning the pantsuit:
1. Who the hell cares?
2. The typical male at a formal gathering is about as unique as that one penguin in March of the Penguins--you know the one. He (she?) had a slightly off-white feather near his (her?) left foot. It was really more of a "woodland snow" color as opposed to the much more brash "snowdust".
Anyhoo, my point. If the men can stand to look exactly alike, why not us gals? It's really the bride's day, anyway, and no one will be looking at all us other birds (or shouldn't be--it's the BRIDE'S DAY). At least half the attendees (men and children) are unlikely to notice. The other half might assume it's an ersatz bridesmaid's thing, as the typical bridesmaids, who are made to look like proverbial dogs due to famously ugly and horribly unflattering strapless satin bridesmaid's dresses that always seem one size too small, are being replaced by actual dogs.
3. The bride is requesting the strict color palette for photo and general aesthetic purposes. The moms won't be "standing" with the bride and groom, so there won't be a lot of exposure. Everyone in the photos is going to be matchy-matchy anyway. Why not the moms? Is there such a thing as clashing shades of navy? If so, it's likely to happen given the planetary ruckus that has erupted thus far. With the same dress you are virtually guaranteed that the dress-pant suit outfits will be the same shade. I say "virtually" guaranteed because there is such a thing as "dye lots" and it is Penney's after all.
4. The "generational issue" title might be off-base, but I think that being appalled at being in the same dress is more of an issue with women in my mom's generation than it would be with mine. Again, I could be way off. But I'm basing it on this: I don't know if she follows these rules anymore, but my mom and a lot of women my mom's age still won't wear white after Labor Day, or wear velvet in the summer, and all those different weird rules that lawless Gen Xers are eschewing. I think. It really could just be me. I will totally, like, concede that. Still, my message to these women would be never trust anyone over 30. And loosen up, groovy chicks. Zip in, drink up, bliss out. But would my advice lead to two victims of a lot of vicious bathroom gossip? I really can't tell. I CAN tell you that no one will be wearing what I'm wearing, as I have decided to not wear clothes to this event.
But here's the problem. The bride's mom does NOT think this pantsuit tunic thing is funny AT ALL. My mom laughed about it. The bride's mom did NOT laugh. And, by God, she bought hers first. So now my mom has to make a decision. (I have already alerted her to my all-important opinion.)
What would yours be?
posted by lulu | 7:31 AM
4 Comments:
This is from my mom:
That was great - and yes, most of us still adhere to:
1)NO white shoes, skirts, jackets before Mem Day or after Labor Day
2)No linen shirts, skirts, suits, same time frames as above
3)No wool or velvet in summer or between above mentioned holidays
4)Winter white wool (ivory/ecru/eggshell) is ok in winter - but it has to be wool - no
winter white cotton or linen for God's sake
5)Open toed or open back shoes or sandals ONLY in summer - with the
exception of formal or dressy shoes for 'after five' events only
6)No diamonds (except wedding) before 5:00 PM
love ya, M
What do you think, folks? Will she take the dress back? I'm dizzy with anticipation.
If she is capable of keeping up with all those rules and can reel them off so smartly, then my answer is YES, she'll take it back . . . not because she is acquiesing to the Mother-in-law but because the (unwritten) Rules support such a maneuver.
If I was a woman, I'd probably take it back to avoid the bathroom talk that would occur. While we tend to eschew the formality these days, the old gossip never dies away. Besides, if it's NOT a serious problem to switch (it's in October) then just avoid the issue and Bliss Out that much sooner.
Life's full of too many other problems to borrow trouble.
From my own ethnographic studies of the behavior patterns of the North American female human, I have observed that it is an important part of growing up as a member of the culture to know how (and when) to act like a bitch, as well as how (and when) NOT to. It's her call.
[Disclaimer: parallel skills/knowledge exist for the maturing North American male human, e.g. how (and when) to act like a macho jerk, etc.]
My new mantra (for the post-Timothy Leary era): Zip in, drink up, bliss out.
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