I've really missed my blog!

My blog post yesterday...it has really helped! It's my link to the great people at the Hill, to my friends and family who love and support me. I think it's actually become a habit--something I need to do to keep it together.

I've been re-watching Sex and the City on Netflix. After I re-watch the 6th season I'll treat myself to an afternoon at the theater watching the movie. I really like that vapid, silly, colorful show. And I know it's really sappy to say this, but watching those four fictional girlfriends makes me really appreciate my own friends. I know we don't talk a whole lot, or god knows see each other, but, oh, I don't know how to say it. I know some of you read this, and it's a comfort to me. I feel like some of you--and you probably know who you are--will be with me for a long time. I only wish we had more face-time. I hate using terms like 'face-time', by the way.

So keep writing, keep calling, keep me on those email strings.

And, as for the big babies I've had to deal with in the past few weeks, I've decided to take a gratifying 'fuck them' attitude. A few little babies who won't take responsibility for themselves are just not allowed to hold so much sway over what gets done in this city (or what goes on in my head). It's very liberating to feel this way! And, in the absence of perfection, it's the best alternative.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Thanks for giving a crap, or at least for having a morbid fascination in the foibles of others' lives and taking the time to inform yourself.

Oh my god. Am I strong, yet vulnerable?

Dear Reader,

Wow! It's really busy here in Hometown! I have two demanding jobs, a business, 20 animals to care for, blah blah blah. The fridge is bare, I don't see my kids until evening, and my husband is my partner in zoning out at the end of the day and not much else.

I'm really sorry about not taking the time to blog. One day, this will get settled down and I'll be able to work it out. But, let me tell ya, fame isn't easy. I've been in the paper and on the radio about 1/2 dozen times in the last week, and I don't like it. At all. People are all up in arms about the possibility of combining my two jobs and I'm forced to deal with these baselessly irrational people. I don't like that, either.

So I wonder--What the hell did I do this for? I don't need any of it. I'm feeling straitjacketed, too. I can't piss this person off by telling them the truth because it will negatively impact one of my other jobs. I've already pissed off the incredibly touchy reporters at the laughable Hometown News. They totally deserve it, and if I was just a business owner I'd tell them to shove it way up there, but I can't have a bad relationship with the paper when I'm the Chamber director. Nope--can't do it, and even if I didn't mind the trouble it would cause during my reign, I can't do that to my successors.

Bottom line? I'm feeling very overwhelmed!

Solution? Baby steps. Really. Take little baby steps. The last time I felt this way was my master's year of college. I was teaching school "part-time" (with 3-4 different preps, or classes) and working on my master's part-time. Ha! It was insane, and I talked with a counselor. As I've written before, he told me I was a perfectionist and felt overwhelmed because I had the crazy notion (Dr. Weiner--that was his name--did not say 'crazy') that I could actually do all of it. He had me make a to-do list and place each item (include "eat" "sleep" "get ready" "commute") on a grid of the week. See? Not enough time in the day to do it. So give. it. up.

I'm better at doing this. I really am. But the anxiety lingers. I like a full day, most days. But come on, now! And it's the whole dealing-with-other-people thing that's tripping me out a little. I just want to do my job in peace.

Although I must admit that there is a positive side. This is hard to explain. I'm kinda proud of myself. Just like a rat in a maze, I'm able to decide things on the fly, learn from my mistakes, learn how to deal with it. And I'm finding that I'm a pretty decent leader. (How's that for mushy, anti-leader speak? "Pretty decent'--pathetic!) I am making people feel enthused again. I get a lot of comments about my 'energy' and 'enthusiasm'. What they might not realize is that both of those things waver whenever I have to deal with someone's stupid issues. I'll elaborate some other time, but it all stems with people--grown people--not taking responsibility for themselves. Ugh! It's the root of all evil!

This was all spontaneous and I have to get back to work. I hope it makes some sort of sense.

Sincerely,
Lulu
Strong...yet surprisingly absorbent!